u/IdontWAnUSe

I’m a teenager and I’ve recently been wondering if I might have something like hyperawareness OCD, anxiety, or maybe I’m just overthinking too much. I’m not trying to self-diagnose, but I wanted to share my experiences because I feel really confused about myself and wanted opinions from people who might relate.

One of the biggest things I struggle with is constant self-awareness. I feel like I’m always observing myself from outside my body, like I’m monitoring every action, expression, word, movement, and interaction. Even simple things like talking to classmates, walking into a room, texting people, sitting alone, or liking someone become something I overanalyze for hours afterward. It feels like I can never go into a natural “idle mode” like a game character going AFK after being inactive for a while without thinking about how I’m acting.

I also overthink social situations constantly. If someone asks me a question, reacts differently than usual, or even looks at me a certain way, I’ll replay it over and over in my head. Sometimes I genuinely can’t tell if I’m correctly reading people or just making things up in my head. I think about what people think of me way too much, even though logically I know they probably aren’t thinking about me that deeply.

I also feel very split socially. Some people see me as super extroverted because I joke around, randomly talk to people, ask for food jokingly, compliment teachers, act energetic, etc. But internally I don’t feel socially secure at all. I actually feel lonely a lot and crave very deep friendships. I want friendships where people match my energy and genuinely connect with me emotionally, but I often feel emotionally disconnected from people even when I’m in a friend group.

Another thing is I lie a lot, even about unnecessary things. Sometimes it’s to seem more interesting, avoid embarrassment, avoid awkwardness, or fit into conversations. I’ve lied about hobbies, experiences, relationships, games I play, and random details that honestly didn’t even need lying about. I usually know I’m doing it while it’s happening. It’s become such a habit that sometimes I automatically do it before thinking. I don’t even think I’m trying to manipulate people — I think I just hate looking “boring” or vulnerable.

I also struggle with people-pleasing and saying no. For example, if someone takes my seat, I’ll just sit quietly even if I’m upset. If someone wants something from me, I often go along with it because confrontation makes me uncomfortable. But at the same time, I hate feeling controlled by people, so I get frustrated afterward.

I’ve also had family stress for years. My parents fight a lot, my dad has alcohol problems, and my mom vents to me about their marriage and financial struggles. There’s also been yelling, insults, and situations that made me really emotionally tense growing up. I feel like I became hyperaware of people’s moods because of that.

Another thing I noticed is that I rarely feel “natural.” I feel like I’m always performing or thinking about what my next move should be, almost like I’m controlling a character instead of just existing normally. Sometimes I even think about how I’m supposed to act “naturally,” which obviously makes me feel even more unnatural.

I also obsess over embarrassment. Even tiny awkward moments stay in my head for years. If I say something weird, lie badly, overshare emotionally, or get perceived differently than I wanted, I’ll replay it constantly and feel physically uncomfortable thinking about it.

I’m not asking anyone here to diagnose me, but does any of this sound relatable to people with hyperawareness OCD, social anxiety, anxiety disorders, or something similar? Or is this just normal teenage overthinking mixed with stress and loneliness?

I’d appreciate honest opinions or experiences.