u/Idontknow-__

I’m wondering if anybody else is also experiencing this. I’ve always had terrible nightmares, but as I’ve gotten older and my BPD has shown up more, they’ve gotten so much worse and vivid, to the point that I fear sleeping. I can feel pain that I feel in my dreams when I wake up, and I always wake up in a sweat. They’re either about abandonment or about someone close to me dying. I’ve also started getting severely bad sleep paralysis. Is there any way to make this better or to cope with it? I know BPD is known for this, but I’ve never thought it would get this bad. It feels so traumatic, and it’s so incredibly realistic, and I have no idea how to deal with it.

Hello. I feel incredibly weak right now, so I just needed to get this out.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. He knows I have BPD and has been informed of my triggers. We broke up a year ago but got back together seven months ago. He’s been acting like the best boyfriend in the world. We were even intimate the day before this, multiple times. But yesterday, he told me he didn’t love me anymore.

I cried and asked him why. He said he hasn’t loved me. I asked him why he did the stuff for me that he did, and he said he does it for everybody. I asked why he made things for me, why he was nice to me, and he said it doesn’t take long to make things and that he was just putting on a front in front of me.

I cried and cried, and it just didn’t seem like he cared. He said I was too controlling. I said that I’ve been working on it and that I’m sorry. For context, I ask him to communicate when he’s going out and what time he’ll be back so I don’t get triggered by the plans changing but he’s never done it he says that his friends make plans impulsively and he can’t control when he’ll be back

I’ve just never seen him act this way. It is such a shock. He acted like he was a whole different person. The things he said to me, I don’t believe my boyfriend would ever say. He said I’m around him too much because I go see him on his off days, three days out of the week, and that I don’t give him enough alone time. he says that I don’t like his friends which I don’t and maybe it’s misplaced anger, but when he goes out with him, it tends to be a pattern that he’s mean to me or distant or uncommunicative. It’s built to resentment up, but I can see that it’s not right to not like them because of this.

I understand that. I told him I would change and begged for him to stay. I feel incredibly weak right now, but it was just crazy to me because he’s never acted like that. It was like it was literally a whole different person. He watched me cry with no care on his face and even laughed at some point.

I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I’ve suspected that he’s also had BPD for a while, but I don’t know if this was just cruelty or an episode, and I don’t know what to say or do. I basically just got told my whole relationship was a front, and I just feel like I’m in the worst episode I’ve ever been in. I just have no idea what to do with myself right now. At the end of talk he said we can try to work things out, but things just feel so fake now but I agreed. I feel so heartbroken and like my life’s over.