[Complete] [44k] [Dark Fantasy] Fate Invariant
Important Note: This submission is only the first act of my ~170k word dark fantasy WIP. If you're interested, please DM me. I am happy to swap (details below).
GENRE
Dark Epic Fantasy (Adult/New Adult)
BLURB
Exiled from the north, Alisdair is surviving among the dunespeople of the south, building a new life and a tenuous peace. When a mysterious plague begins corrupting the crops and driving livestock to a terrifying hunger, he knows he's seen it before, though he cannot remember where or when. The closer he gets to the answers, the clearer it becomes that the darkness haunting his past wouldn’t stay buried.
CONTENT WARNINGS
body horror
animal death/cruelty
graphic injury
medical trauma/disease
nightmare sequences
psychological trauma/PTSD
discrimination/xenophobia
themes of grief/loss
TYPE OF FEEDBACK
Are the characters distinct? Understandable motivations?
Is anything unclear/too vague? Too obvious?
What elements do you like/not like and why?
PREFERRED TIMELINE
~2 weeks
CRITIQUE SWAP
I am interested in a swap! Preferably something of similar length [~50k]. Prefer fantasy/science fiction.
EXCERPT
The musky odor of livestock and manure wafted through the air as they crossed the yard among wandering cattle, sheep, and goats. Chickens scattered at their approach, clucking and ruffling feathers. Beyond them, a makeshift enclosure of rough-hewn boards stood lashed together with rope.
Inside, a single goat paced in tight circles, hooves scraping the packed dirt. Its milky, unfocused eyes fixed on nothing while its ears swiveled toward them. Brown foam crusted the jaws, the fur around them matted with dried blood and a black, greasy substance. The same fetid odor from the blighted field overtook the barnyard stench and Alisdair swallowed.
"She attacked another goat," Fareha explained. "It was out of the ordinary but we dismissed it because she was giving birth soon. Then she did it again. So we put her here."
Dread pressed down on Alisdair. First the crops. Now the livestock. "What happened?"
The doe turned her unsettling gaze on him. A sharp pain shot through his right hand. Alisdair cradled it with his left, flexing his fingers. But he could not look away.
"Two nights ago, she had her kids. Stillborn," Fareha continued. "I buried them, but when I came back, they were gone." Her voice lowered. "She dug them up."
Alisdair's gaze drifted to the far corner of the enclosure, settling on the small hole in the red-tinged sand. His stomach clenched.
"She ate them, didn't she?" he asked, but he was already certain of it. "The other goats, too."
Fareha stared at him. "How did you know?"
"I don't know." He knew. But he couldn't explain how.
The doe lowered her head. A string of brown saliva hung from her mouth. Her bottom teeth flashed as she lunged, throwing her horns against the enclosure wall between them. The slats rattled, holding only just. Alisdair stepped back instinctively, heart thudding. An open threat.
"What do you feed them?" he asked.
"The stems and leaves from—"
"Ardhi's crops?"
"Yes. Why?"
The fear in her expression solidified his resolve. "Where is it?"
The trough wasn't far. Alisdair pulled a few handfuls of greens from the pile. The leaves were cool and damp, stems snapping between his fingers, a few clinging stubbornly to his skin. All of it was healthy. Clean. No slick film, no smell of decay.
"Is there no more?" he asked. "No other feed anywhere? No other animal behaving this way?"
"That’s all. Why? What's going on?"
"I don't have an answer," he admitted. "But there's a chance that this could—" He hesitated to continue. As if voicing it would make it inevitable.
"It could… what?" Fareha urged.
"Spread to the rest of them."
The words hung in the air between them.
Fareha's eyebrows drew together as she watched the other animals.
"What do we do?"
He brushed the leaves from his fingers. "Until we know more, keep your hands covered when you check the feed. If it's brown or foul, burn it."
"What about the goat?" Fareha asked, a tremor in her voice.
Alisdair met her gaze. "Destroy it."