When is it ok to ”dump” a close friend?
I’m f29 and my friend is f31. We became friends through work about 5 years ago and have become very close, talking about struggles in life, mental health and relationships.
We have both gone through and supported each other through several relationships and breakups.
I have a relationship since about a year but we knew each other for years before that. My friend never liked him bc he was ”situationshiping” me. That’s is solved and we are happy but they hate each other.
She recently got out of a relationship about 2 months ago. Her relationship was very toxic (violence toward eachother and themselves, cheating and so on, there is an ongoing police investigation).
Since they broke up they have slept together, he’s been sleeping with her and then telling her he’s going to another girls place right after, had him ham his friend have sex with my friend then leaving right after and insulting her, it’s been a mess.
The thing is, similar things have been going on for the whole 2 years they were together and only escalated when they broke up. I have been supporting her, having her sleep at my place, come over any time, she had a key to my place for a period.
Every conversation we have had for a year has been about her relationship. I have given her advice, asked her to leave him, offered her money, a place to stay etc but she keeps going back to him and then coming to me to cry and continue to not take my advice, going back again.
I am exhausted and my relationship with her has taken a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend since they hate eachother and she continues to tell me to dump him and cheat on him (I admit he haven’t been the best boyfriend all the time but i feel like a good friend shouldn’t tell me to dump him over not taking the trash out or staying at the bar later than promised).
I have so much more energy and feel so much happier when I haven’t talked to her for a couple of days, even my family will tell me things like ”you seem happier and energized these last days”.
However she is in a deep crisis and I feel like shit for letting her lean on me for years and having her become that dependent on me and now abandoning her when she needs me the most.
Does anyone have any advice?
Tldr:
My friend had a toxic relationship and is being used by her ex.
I have been supporting her in this for years and am exhausted from this, it’s affecting my own relationship.
Am I in the wrong for prioritizing my own peace, energy and relationship over her now, when she’s in a deep crisis and need me more than ever?
Need advice!