u/Igeusstaken

I (14M) have been backsliding majorly. I have been feeling empty and have viewed Christ as a cold and mean God. I have also been singing secular songs, consuming secular content, just secular on top of secular. I haven't felt this empty since I was demon-possessed (part of my testimony).
I think my isolation has finally gotten to me. I have been so condemning toward others that it has caused me to become lonely. Now I seek idols. I feel too scared to come back to God. Church camp is my only chance to be free. I also hear a voice that I know is bad saying: "Well, in Haggai, it says that your work will be corrupted if you are corrupted yourself. If you pray, they'll be corrupted."

And then I stop praying, loving, and serving God.

I know Satan used Bible verses to tempt Jesus, but yeah. I do think God is genuinely trying to speak to me, since He showed me a video saying, "God has a message for you." I scrolled past it, and then when my feed reset, I saw another video saying, "This is the sign you missed." It was about running to idols and that being why I'm so empty.

My main point is: How do I become joyful? What kind of lifestyle do I need to have? Do I need to be hyper-involved in church camp and worship? I feel like those guys are much holier than me. What opinions do I need to have? I felt like I was very annoying when I fully embraced Christian practices, but what do you think? What kind of lifestyle should I live?

I (13M) have a birthday coming up on the 24th—I’m turning 14! This year, I want to celebrate my birthday in a way that truly glorifies Jesus.

What Happened Last Year…
Last year (2025), I forgot about God on my birthday. To be fair, I was lukewarm at the time, but I still see that as a loss. I had a birthday party with some secular friends, who I later cut off for Christ. Throughout the day, I barely mentioned God, and none of the choices I made honored Him.
I remember feeling extremely empty that day. At the time, I couldn’t understand why I felt so depressed and hollow inside. Now I know why.

The Truth
We were all created to serve and glorify Jesus—even during celebrations. When we leave Him out, something in our hearts feels missing. Looking back, I realize my heart was longing for Jesus, even though I wasn’t fully pursuing Him then.

What I Want This Year
This year, I want Jesus to be at the center of my birthday. Who wouldn’t want the kind, wise, gentle Father who created the universe to celebrate with them? That would be amazing.
What are some ways I can include God in my birthday this year? I’m already studying some special Scriptures for birthdays, like Numbers 6 and Psalm 139, but I’d love more ideas.
One thing I know for sure: I never want to go rogue again. I’m not going back to the grave. If you’d like, please pray for me as well.

INTRO:
I (13M) have something weird to ask in this community, some can say it is not christian to ask this question. You may correct me if you like. The reason I’m posting this is because I’ll dread every day life if I don’t talk about this.** **

THE REAL JUICY STUFF:
I fear that my dad (45M) and my stepmom (26F) are planning to have a child in 2 years or when I graduate high school. (I know the age difference is crazy, bear with this). I don’t want this to happen. If they have a child, I would have a half-sibling years younger than me. I also think it would be weird to have my dad have a child this late in life. To put this into perspective, my dad would be 64 when this child would graduate. 64 I tell you. Please pray that this burden is lifted off my shoulders. Every time someone even mentions it, my bones start to freeze. It is the apex predator of my worries, and I feel like I can enjoy life more if my dad and stepmom would get infertility or whatever is possible and not conceive a child.

I feel kind of evil for asking this, but pray that this burden gets lifted off of me and this situation never happens. Thanks if you read this.