Should you make your child share? Curious about perspectives and if I'm in the wrong
I have a slight situation with my 4 year old and her cousins (3 and 7, sisters).
Now I don't make my child give up a toy to share when she is actively playing with it. Instead I just stress taking turns and my daughter is very receptive to that. However sometimes my 7 year old niece will have a toy out and say no one is allowed to play with it. When I am watching my nieces I am totally fine with that but I tell her we need to put the toy up where the little ones can't reach it to keep it safe and to avoid conflict. My sister in law is more of the opinion of "well it's her toy so it's her choice."
For example last week we were in her pool and 7 year old had a floaty toy (a donut style one) that she wasn't playing on but said no one else could play on it. My daughter obviously wanted to play on it, her grandma was like "7, if you aren't using it then why not?" And 7 year old just put on her whiney voice lol and grandma and sil let it go.
Another small example, they were playing on powerwheels and my daughter and her were riding together in one. 7 year old wanted to kick her out so she could give one of her toys a ride. I told her all the kids needed to be playing together on it, it's not fair to make one kid sit out just so you can have a toy next to you and her dad backed me up. Later I heard the mom berating her dad about it, saying she should be able to give the toy a ride by herself if she wants. Thats
Outrageous to me. Later she did the same thing and 7 year old was was told it was fine and she could do that.
It's a huge pattern where 7 year old kind of runs the show, I love her but I see her becoming extremely entitled and she whines more than any kid her age I've ever met. They don't really discipline her and she ignores what she is told all the time.
She is sort of the golden child with my in-laws and her mom, she constantly gets sleepovers with the grandparents and gets to hang out with them all day. I don't even remember the last time my daughter got to spend the night with them. We all live within 5 miles of each other.
I guess I'm just wondering if I'm in the wrong here. It makes me feel annoyed that I'm trying to teach my daughter fairness and kindness when that isn't shown back to her. It'd be completely different if these were kids at the park or something, that we werent close to and didn't spend lots of time with. Not sure what I should do about the situation but it is really weighing on me and making me not really want to be around them.
Would you say something in this situation when it comes up?