I have been in childcare for 11 years and I don’t have kids yet.
For people who have been in childcare professionally before having kids, what’s your experience been?
How comparable to being a postpartum doula, nannying, babysitting or even working in a daycare?
How much did your childcare experience help?
getting our nursery together and the baby monitor is somehow turning into the thing thats taking the longest to decide on. funny how i picked the crib faster than this lol. the one that keeps coming up is nanit because people talk a lot about the sleep tracking and all the extra features. but then i also see parents saying once the baby gets older they barely look at the app and mostly just want a reliable camera that works every time. makes me wonder if some of those features end up being more exciting in the first few months than they are a year later.
for parents that have already gone through that stage, what actually stuck around as something you used all the time and what ended up being something you forgot about after a while? curious how your opinion changed after living with it for more than just the newborn phase.
I 25F have two kids (2.5 yr old & 6 months) and they are the absolute light of my life. I have a great husband too who’s an amazing father!
I’m a sahm while my husband travels a lot for work. He’s currently traveling in some pretty cool places & doing some really cool things. I’m truthfully really happy for him. But I’m also… envious.
I know it’s incredibly hard for him to be away from me & the kids. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like. But I also can’t imagine what it’s like to take a nice long shower without having to ask for help or making a plan of how I’ll do it. Going out and having an adult conversation without kids & serious preplanning, etc. let alone something really fun & adventurous!
I came to visit family while he’s gone and it’s been nice having the help but I just feel like a burden. I’ve had multiple crying sessions to my dad. They’ve made it so nice for me and I feel guilty struggling the way that I am. Plus it is extremely hot here so outings have to be either shaded or including water so the little one doesn’t overheat!
My husband has been encouraging me to go out but I don’t have friends to go out with. I didn’t keep in contact with anyone after I moved away from here. Plus my baby refuses a bottle so staying out for an extended time is hard. I just feel like a looser. Will this feeling ever go away? I have a great life and I want to enjoy it while being the best mom i can be. Has anyone ever felt like this? How did you cope?
My kids (2 and 1) have only been watched on occasion by family, but I’m finally ready to take the plunge on a babysitter. I came across someone I may want to use. Do you have any advice on how to interview/screen babysitters? I’m gonna ask for references and then have the sitter over for a little to see how they interact with the kids and explain how we parent/house rules. What am I missing? What should I specifically ask?
My husband gets home from work around 5:30. I am typically cleaning a lot during my day, playing with our toddler, watering our garden and outdoor plants, running errands, etc. with a toddler and several pets in our home. Messes happen so often that it’s hard for me to keep up with them all day. Sometimes the dishes do pile up, Toys are all over the floor, or the high chair is still dirty from snack. After my husband gets home from work, I’ve started to notice he will only clean up messes made during the time he’s been home. For example, if my daughter gets out more books for him to read, he only cleans up those. Not the ones that were already out. Same with toys and dishes/plates that were used before he got home. I definitely did a better job of keeping up with the day‘s messes when our daughter was younger. Now that she’s almost 2 it’s been more challenging.
I’m curious how other parents handle this.
I take a lot of photos, but the thing I worry about losing is not the photo itself. It is the context around it.
Why was this funny?
What were they learning that week?
What did they say or do that I thought I would remember?
What was going on in our family at that time?
For parents with babies or toddlers, do you actually write any of this down somewhere?
Notes app, captions, baby book, shared album, journal, texts to family, anything like that?
Or do the photos mostly just pile up in the camera roll?
I’m not someone who coupons, budgets, or really pays mind to what things cost. We are not made of money but we do not struggle.
Recently I have been lightly dabbling in paying attention to sales and not getting what I normally would. For example, usually I’d buy Classico spaghetti sauce for I don’t know, $5-$6 give or take but lately I’ve been exploring others brands for $2-$3 and with MORE sauce.
That’s just an example but now I’m like what else could I be doing? Where do I find coupons, digitally or paper.
Do you feel it’s worth it? I also do not want to overly hoard food and house supplies but I do want to save.
Also what do you DIY that saves $$?
I feel like there may be a ton of savings and
I’m making it my new mission to see how much I can save monthly.
i noticed that my older cake pans arent baking as evenly as they used to. a couple of them brown more around the edges, while another seems to leave the center needing extra time. its manageable but it definitely makes decorating a little more frustrating when the layers dont come out as evenly as id like. looking through my cabinet made me realize most of my bakeware wasnt something i picked intentionally. its just a mix of pans i collected over the years so the quality and materials are all over the place
for those of you who bake and decorate cakes regularly which pan has earned a permanent spot in your kitchen because it consistently gives you reliable results? im more interested in long term than building a matching set.
I had a weird moment of curiosity this morning and decided to track every single thing I did in a day. My daughter is 14 months and I'm home with her full time. Here's what my day looked like:
6:45am wakeup, diaper change, she fought me on the onesie. 7:15am breakfast — oatmeal, which she ate about 60% of. The other 40% went on her face, the tray, and the back of her head. 8:00am cleaned the kitchen, she followed me around pulling tupperware out of the cabinet. 9:00am park, where she ate a wood chip before I could stop her. 9:30am snack, cheese dust everywhere. 10:00am tried to fold laundry, she unfolded it faster than I could fold. 10:45am diaper change, she grabbed the dirty one. 12:00pm lunch, avocado and pasta, both of which ended up in her hair. 1:00pm nap time, she fought it for 20 minutes then passed out. I spent her nap cleaning the high chair, doing dishes, and staring at the wall for 10 minutes. 3:00pm she woke up, we did crafts, the markers said washable and they were lying. 4:30pm another diaper change. 5:00pm she played in the yard and came in looking like a dirt goblin. 6:00pm dinner, more pasta, the dog got involved. 7:30pm bedtime, bath, books, she finally went down at 8:15.
I counted 11 diaper changes or cleanups. I'm not even going to add up the hours. We're going through a pack of wipes every few days at this rate, which my wife pointed out when she saw the amazon order history. I just know I sat down at 8:30pm and my wife asked me what I did all day and I genuinely couldn't remember half of it until I looked at my notes.
I’m not sure if this is a silly question, but I feel like I spend my whole day talking and playing with my toddler and I’m exhausted. I also have a 6 month old so feel like I’m not meeting either of my kids needs fully. My toddler talks 24/7 and expects me to talk and answer back all day. She will be climbing all over me if I say that I’m done talking for a bit. I also constantly feel like I’m either not playing with her enough or that she’s come to expect me to play with her 24/7 and that’s why I feel guilty when I’m not. I will say I’m going to sit back and watch her play which she will for a few seconds but expect me to interact with her the whole time, and if I don’t she will start behaving in ways that she knows will get my attention (kicking, hitting, etc). I guess I’m wondering what independent play actually looks like at this age, does it mean she plays while I’m off doing my own thing? Is it playing while I’m interacting with her/leading the play? She seems a lot more higher needs than typical toddlers her age from what I’ve seen when we’re having play dates or at story time.
I'm a complainer, not a quitter. Important distinction 😂
This is probably a weird post.
I think I've spent enough time researching why motherhood is hard.
ADHD. Mental load. Decision fatigue. Burnout. Solo parenting. If there's a Reddit thread about it, I've probably read it. (Get it? 😂)
Honestly, it helped. I needed to know I wasn't just lazy or a bad mom.
But I think I've reached the point where constantly relating to people who are struggling isn't helping me anymore. I've become an expert on why I'm overwhelmed without getting much better at... not being overwhelmed.
So now I want to hear from the moms who genuinely enjoy this stage of life.
Not because it's easy. I know it isn't.
I want to know what they're doing differently.
For context, I'm 33. My husband is 33, and we have two boys (37 months and 16 months).
I'm a researcher by nature. I was diagnosed with ADHD in February (medication has been life changing), I'm currently being evaluated for PMDD, and I just started therapy.
I'm a reactive parent. I get overwhelmed easily. I'm also painfully self-aware, which is becoming less of a strength and more of a hobby at this point. I can usually tell you exactly why I'm reacting the way I am. That doesn't necessarily mean I stop doing it.
My husband works Monday through Saturday, usually from about 7 a.m. until 11:30 p.m. He's an absolute workhorse. We're paying off debt, trying to save for retirement, and hoping to give our boys a better financial start than we had. This isn't a post about who has it harder. It's just our season of life.
Something I've been wondering lately...
How much of enjoying being a stay-at-home mom is nature vs. nurture?
My dad was deployed a lot when I was growing up. My mom stayed home, but she was overwhelmed, and I don't really remember seeing what a happy, fulfilled stay-at-home mom looked like. We weren't a super affectionate family, and honestly, I don't remember much of my childhood at all.
I don't say that to blame my parents. They did the best they could. I just wonder how much our upbringing shapes what motherhood feels like later.
I also never pictured myself staying home. I fully expected to go back to work because I've always been pretty independent. But after having kids and looking at our finances, I realized this is where I want and need to be. I'm incredibly grateful that my husband works as hard as he does so I can stay home with our boys.
I'm not looking for people to remind me to soak it all in or tell me it goes by fast. I already know that.
I want to enjoy these moments without counting down the minutes until naptime, bedtime, or when my husband gets home.
I need information. 😂
If you're someone who genuinely enjoys being a stay-at-home mom, I'd love to hear from you.
I'm trying to figure out the common denominators.
Maybe it's personality. Maybe it's finances. Maybe it's routine. Maybe it's childhood. Maybe it's community.
I don't know.
I just feel like I've spent the last year studying why I'm struggling.
Now I want to study the people who aren't.
I know this is the r/SAHP sub, but I realized there may be some parents here that work, especially at home. Curious how many of us are strictly doing child and home care
I’m seriously planning to leave the workforce in 6 months. I’ve worked over 25 years for the same company, I’ll be giving up a good income, bonuses, benefits, pension, paid adult time, independence and identity outside of the home, but I’ve been contemplating this for a long time and we are both feeling good about this decision. My kids will be 15 & 8, so this is far from a maternity leave and more of a house manager, cook, uber driver position that I’m already currently juggling, but simply stretched too thin with the weight of my job.
As it stands I already manage most of the stuff. We are a little old fashion, grew up with SAHMs so naturally slipped into these roles but with me working as well. My spouse never cooks, he will order in if I can’t make dinner, I shop plan and make all the meals, I do the laundry, I clean the house between and with the help of a biweekly house cleaner, I do 100% of the driving and activities for our younger one, and 25-50% of the driving for our older one (she for the most part needs drop off and pick up but we don’t stay). I do the bed time routines, doctors, dentists etc. I clean the pool, garden, weed. My husband mows the lawn (it’s so small it takes 10 minutes including the edging). In the winter I shovel the snow, he may help with the foot of the driveway after the plow has gone through. I help with homework and generally spend more quality time with my kids.
It’s not that there a whole lot more that he can expect of me when I’m not working- I’d be happy to do the lawn, and look forward to going to the gym during the day when the kids are at school and not at 5am. I may increase involvement at the school and help a bit more with our ailing parents.
I still feel like it’s important to set some boundaries “rules” before I go into this.
There definitely needs to be something around finances- I still need to have discretion and decision. We’ve worked through our budget and his monthly income covers our monthly expenses but we have a lot of lumpy expenses ie. child’s annual golf memberships, hockey tuition, property taxes, vacation, that we will need to set money aside for each year. We do this now, but he dips into that savings account automatically and I think I’d feel better discussion transactions first.
I’d also like to know that at some point if I need a break or a “day off” I can get one. Is that fair/reasonable?
I (25F), Partner (28M), Child (11months)
I work full time I leave at 8am (sometimes 7am if I have morning meetings) and get home around 6-6:30, i work 5 days a week sometimes weekends.
My partner hasn’t worked for the past 4months. We split the household bills 65/35 then I also pay activities / groceries / weekly cleaner and everything for baby
We have a child together & he’s enrolled to daycare full time. Mon-Fri 7:30am-5:30pm (he doesn’t stay for the full hours)
My partner does all the morning routine getting him to daycare ect then also does pick up. I cook dinner and do dishes while my partner does the bed time routine and I read a book and put baby to sleep.
We all do spend time together in the mornings and nights ect and on one of my days off but I will do a mummy day where I take baby out on my other day off and spend the entire day with just us.
My partner is not great at keeping on top of our household cleaning and the house gets very messy and i usually have to tidy because I hate mess, but lately I have really just given up due to being exhausted and i feel like he needs to pull more weight with the cleaning but then also feel guilty for saying that because he does the baby morning and night routine by himself
I’m just trying to figure out if I need to pull a lot more weight at home ect 😅 When we were both working I was a lot better and set in a routine but now I am growing envious of him for all the spare time he has. I have to put in a lot more energy into work taking on more hours as it’s majority of our income.
I have tried talking to him but he throws it back at me & says he’s busy keeping baby occupied when they’re home together and he get overwhelmed when I ask him to be more tidy….
So am I the one being lazy and not pulling enough weight around the household?
I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here, but hoping to just vent a little and see if anyone else has been in this situation. I have 3 kids ages 7, 5, and 3 months. I’ve never considered being a stay at home mom until this baby. I’ve always been in healthcare, but 3 years ago I took what I would have considered my dream job in healthcare leadership. It’s Monday through Friday in hospital from 7-4, but it’s truly 24/7. I make decent money at 100k, but it’s a lot mentally. I take a lot home with me. I have hardly been mentally present for my older 2 children and I hadn’t really noticed that until maternity leave. I feel free without the burden of having to answer calls/emails at all hours of the day and night.
My husband is super supportive in me staying home in the short term because he knows how stressful my job is, we’re financially okay (he makes around 250k), and my kids are happier with me home obviously. He has previously done most of the drop offs, pick ups, and morning routines. He works at home half the week, in office the other from 8-5, and travels for work.
Despite how terrible I make my job sound, I am conflicted. I have postpartum anxiety and the thought of sending my 3 month old to full time daycare is devastating. But I worked so hard to get to the job and am terrified of pausing my career, potentially starting over again at the bedside, and telling my staff that I adore that I won’t be coming back. I’m also scared of the loneliness that comes with staying at home. My husband and I have talked about me going back PRN or part time (12 hour shifts) in a year or so.
If you have been in a similar position, how did you know what was the right decision? It seems obvious that my family should come first, but I can’t seem to make a decision.
Side note: in therapy and on medication for my anxiety.
My husband and I got into an argument last night about this. I was cooking dinner while he was sitting on the couch near our toddler. When dinner was ready and I was making her plate, my toddler came over to me and was tugging on my legs. I said to her “daddy is going to put you in your highchair” and my husband let out an annoyed “okay?” and grumpily went to place her in her chair. later on, he said, “you know you could have just asked me to put her in her chair” and my response was “I was in the middle of plating up her food and I needed help, you were sitting on the couch“. Obviously I could have responded better but I’m getting very annoyed by the fact I feel like I have to ask my husband to do certain things vs him taking the initiative to do them on his own.
I finally did apologize to him but when I was trying to explain myself, he said “next time you need to stop at ’i’m sorry’ because now you’re just making it worse“ it’s the next day and I’m still flustered by this interaction.
TW (domestic abuse???)
Hello, I’m in a situation where since I got pregnant, I’ve had severe Gastro issues. I had hyperemesis while pregnant which then the symptoms continued PP. I still have the exact same HG sympnow so as a result, I’m unable to work. I’ve had no income since 8 weeks of pregnancy and my daughter is 13 months old now. So that’s the context before I get the wHy dOnT yOu gEt a jOb comments. But because he earns 100k a year (according to the tax agency) I don’t qualify for a disability pension.
My husband earns roughly 1500 a week. We have about $700 a week in car finance (yes I know it’s stupid, my husband decided he wanted to pay $500 a week for a new car that we now don’t use.) we have looked at selling both cars (mine is achievable) however my husbands car depreciated so bad that we would have to sell it for 15k less than the finance we have owing. Which we can’t really afford. He has a race car which is worth about 25k, but he refuses to sell it. So even if we sold both our cars, he would just drive the race car and I would have to find a really cheap beater to get around in. The rest of his pay packet idk where it goes. He says to other personal loans and credit cards (I don’t have any access to these so I have no idea where the rest is going) we pay $150 a week in rent to my mum (we live there, she also pays for our groceries, he says he can’t afford to help much with that either) So on with the story
I don’t get any form of allowance/income from him. I have to call/message him if I want money for literally anything. (Snacks, baby food, baby clothes, nappies, wipes, toiletries) you name it, I have to call. I can usually only get maximum $50 at a time, maximum 3 times a week, and that’s likely to be an argument. He says that he can’t afford to give me any more. My mum pays for my cars insurance and my specialist appointments because he says he can’t afford it. I’ve believed him for so long but things don’t seem to add up. He’s a mechanic and gets cash jobs usually a couple every week which is an extra roughly $300.
When I was working I was able to get buy now pay later accounts and now I can’t afford to pay them. I have debt collectors calling me every day and I just can’t pay them. They’re also calling me for our road tolls account which is connected to my name. His bank account is not connected. My phone data gets cut every month until he begrudgingly pays them but I’ll still get a lecture about how much it costs. My weekly petrol is about $50 (again all I can get from him, which will only fill my car up 3/4)
When I questioned him about it. He got really defensive and said I would just spend it all if I had access to it. He made up a spreadsheet of the bills and it worked out that he was in negative balance every month, which doesn’t seem right.
I don’t know. Wwyd in this situation? Is it financial abuse or can he literally not afford for me not to be on an income.
Hello all,
I (28F) really need some direction/advice and I haven’t talked to anyone who really knows what to say about my situation.
It’s been almost 4 months since my husband (29M) was fired from his job. He is (was?) a senior software engineer with just over a decade of experience. He was fired due to non-compliance with RTO policy. He has severe ADHD but is medicated, and I would venture to guess that this rebellion was due to PDA or Pathological Demand Avoidance. Not an excuse, but definitely a potential reason. He has job searched relentlessly since he was fired, and has had a decent amount of interviews but cannot seem to convert them into offers.
A little background about me (I promise it’s relevant):
I was raised in a very low-income household by a single mom. I grew up mainly in this home, with my two younger sisters. I am the classic eldest daughter. I can remember being as young as 4 years old, climbing up and scaling the cupboards for dry cereal as my infant sister cried from hunger as I searched desperately for something to feed her. Our mom worked a lot and left us with whoever would take us for free or cheap. So we were neglected or even actively abused often. I was definitely the protector for my siblings and had to grow up quite quickly. I have memories of doing “kid things” here and there, but I spent a lot of time managing other children and even the other adults in my home, being worried about finances, being hyper-vigilant etc.. I grew up in the kind of house where you boiled water if you wanted to take a hot bath, or you could come home and not know if the lights were going to be turned off because my mom couldn’t pay the bill.
At 18, I left the chaos that was my childhood home and started to carve a life out for myself that was starting to look really wonderful. For the first time, I was really able to imagine a life that was vastly different than the only one I had experienced so far. I enrolled in college, started therapy to deal with my trauma, got on-campus housing, got a stable job (plus side hustles) that paid me well enough to not be worried about bills/food. I really liked my life at this time. I met my husband in 2020, by this time I had moved into an apartment with my best friend and was doing really well. It was Covid and I was trying to navigate online school with finding out I was losing my job. I was also sexually assaulted earlier that year, so this informed my decision to take another break from school.
I got pregnant very quickly after getting married and my husband and I decided a few weeks into the pregnancy that I would stay home, and pick school back up once I felt like I had the hang of becoming a parent. So right after our child turned two, I was ready to go back. My birth was extremely traumatic and I almost died from postpartum preeclampsia due to medical racism. It took me so long to feel connected to my own body again. I felt like I was finally coming back to myself. I had established a good rhythm—I had hobbies; yoga, pole dancing etc.. I also volunteer with several local organizations whose missions I am SO passionate about. Hanging with friends regularly and being able to participate in all of the festivities of going out for birthdays, graduations etc..
Now fast-forward, it’s been nearly 4 months of working and being the primary parent. I also had to quit school (for now or forever I’m not sure) It’s summer break so I need jobs I can bring my child to. I clean a local Airbnb as well as doing some very part-time paid remote work for one of the organizations I volunteer with. I am so burnt out. I am with my child ALL of the time. I’m so damn tired. My husband is working an entry level job in the tech field and it’s less than half of what he was making. We pulled our 401k and have a small cushion in savings that will last us about a year more combined with what we’re making, we’re still pulling from savings every month just to cover the basics. This is without spending a penny on anything else except bills/food btw. I’m still so angry and disappointed, and I literally cannot keep operating like this. I still do a majority of the housework too. It’s not sustainable. My friends don’t ask me to hangout because I don’t have the disposable income to do things anymore. When I’m not working with my child present I’m trying to figure out free things to do with him, but I can only go to the park and library so many times 😅 Any and all advice is welcome. Maybe I’m just shouting into the void. I’m not sure. I’m no contact with my parents because they’re abusive, so I don’t really have folks to go to for wisdom/advice. Every days feels like a fog I can’t hear or see anything in. Im feeling my way through every step blindly, and it’s terrifying. I avoid looking in the mirror because I don’t recognize myself. I’m in this black hole with no end in sight. I wanted so much more for my family, myself and most of all my child. I would have never brought a child into my marriage if I had thought we wouldn’t be able to provide a wonderful life for them filled with opportunity and resources. I feel like I have repeated the cycle of financial hardship for my child that I grew up within and I feel so much guilt and shame. When savings runs out we are going to have to live with a family member and then figure something else out I guess. The grief I feel is immeasurable.
Three different people, three completely different answers, and I don't know who to trust.
Our son is 8 months old. We have an in-ground pool. Our pediatrician said fence first, before he's mobile. Our neighbor said alarms are more important because kids eventually get through any fence. Someone in another parenting group said pool covers are the most underrated layer of protection. They can't be all the priority.
We're in Arizona if local code changes anything. Does anyone who's actually been through this know what the correct priority order is, or is this genuinely just personal preference?
I have a 20 month old and recently, especially this summer I am struggling to get us out of the house. We have a decent size back yard and front porch and we do play outside a lot. But when it comes to actually getting the motivation to go to the library, a museum, a park, story time, etc just the thought of getting us both ready makes me feel exhausted. I’m just a slower moving person and I hate feeling rushed. It overwhelms me. Any tips?