r/SAHP

...Its all the damn meals...and snacks.

21 meals and at least 15 snacks a week. Throw in a special treat or a dessert occasionally.

My brain can not manage this. I go through phases where it feels less cumbersome, but week after week, month after month, year after year. Its meal planning, grocery shopping, food prep, cleaning produce, organizing the fridge, and pantry. Its too much.

The hours a day I spend on feeding my family is beyond anything I could have imagined.

Honestly I feel horrible for saying it out loud and for even thinking about it but I desperately need a good day or two where I'm not a mom, and I'm just me. Free to feel like the woman i once felt i was.

Just myself without cooking, without being stressed if they’re hungry, upset or if they need me for something. Not thinking about if they’ll get hurt playing outside, catching a cold. A day where i’m not even a wife, a daughter, or a friend. I feel so fed up with all the stress now and just want to ask if it’s even possible and if so, how can i do it? I guess there is daycare but i’m talking about an entire day, and I don't just want someone to babysit them for 4 hours. I’m talking about an entire day where i can disappear. Is it bad of me to desperately want that? My kids can’t even play together for more than an hour without fighting about something silly.

Just wanna say I love being a mom and a wife but sometimes I have forgotten what it is like to be me without any titles. I don’t even remember what I liked doing before

I'm interested to know how you organize household responsibility between the working parent and the at home parent? What's reasonable to expect from the working parent?

I'm due back at work next month, l've already extended my maternity leave. I'm desperate to make something work but I don't know what or how.

It's not about not wanting to work it's about not wanting to leave my child in someone else's care

My kids are all in school now (its so bittersweet) and I really need to get back to work asap as Im a newly single mom. Does anyone have recommendations for going back after so long? I haven't received a single call and Ive submitted a ton of applications. I don't have a degree and even though I had a ton of experience its been nearly two decades. Or any independent contractor jobs that you do as a side hustle, maybe that would help pad my resume a bit so there isn't such a huge obvious gap? I'm not sure though, any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

As the title says, I'm hoping to gain some other perspectives and advice on how to move forward from relationship woes. I'm the sahm and my partner works 3 weeks on (home each evening still, has Sunday off), 1 week off. (He worked away for the 3 weeks from 3 months to 10 months) Until I found a way for us to live closer to his work. We have a 23 month old, and a new puppy, and I am the go to parent for both.

I'll be honest I've struggled with frustration a lot in my life, just irritability, but I've never been super angry.

I get overwhelmed with my toddler being extremely demanding sometimes, only wanting mama, and trying to get work done around the house can be a feat. We all know this can happen, but when I express this to my partner he gets quite mean. He doesn't say anything straight away but during an argument he brings up my past overwhelm and puts me down quite a lot. I'm worried I get overwhelmed really easily, but also I manage the house and have had countless days solo parenting, which he denies I'm solo parenting as he is financially providing. Family live far away and visit every couple of months.

He does help with the kitchen, and cooking and childcare whilst I do my casual work from home job (which j schedule around his time off).

Today, I finally asked if we could get a new toilet as the one in our house we bought 3 months ago smells like urine. He says he can't really smell it, however it's really quite horrible to me and deep cleaning or a new seat hasn't helped. He immediately snapped and said it's ridiculous and I'm being dramatic, and said he wasn't going to pay thousands for that. I told him I already looked it up and it wasn't close to that much, it got heated and he was telling me to shut up and not letting me speak, and so I got angry and raised my voice. This is when he started to bring up me being useless and not handling anything etc, and bringing up my struggles. He puts me down A LOT.

He then acts like nothing happened and is being really attentive with our little one and looks down on me for yelling, while I'm feeling broken and trapped and guilty for blowing up in front of my poor child. My little girl came to me after and gave me a cuddle, I always stay calm with her, try to let her know nothing is her fault and mamas sorry and everything okay.

I've suggested therapy but he doesn't believe it works and it's just another thing I'll have to organise and if he isn't able to take accountability what's the point. I don't think I love him anymore because of this repeated dynamic.

What would you do?

Quick background: I work full time in marketing, my husband works from home too, and I pick up freelance work here and there. We have a nanny 3 days a week and family helps out the other days so our son (not even 2 yet) isn't in daycare. It's honestly been a really nice setup.

Problem is our nanny is leaving sometime after the new year for family reasons, so now we're back to square one on childcare. Part of me is kind of relieved bc it's forcing a decision I've been dancing around for a while.

I've always been on the fence about being a SAHM. Torn, not just "oh I could never" or "I'd love that." I like my job for the most part but I've been burnt out lately, and with AI being shoved down our throats it's got me thinking about a lot. Maybe this is the nudge to just do it.

We're in a low cost of living area, husband carries our insurance, but I actually make more than him. So it's not like staying home would be financially painless, but it's not impossible either. I've thought about freelancing/contract work on the side too, just to keep a foot in the door in case I want back in later. But the job market is rough right now and who even knows what it looks like in a few years. At least I have some connections still.

My husband and I have talked about it, we're not rushing into anything, just letting it sit for now since we have time before the nanny actually leaves. We had an awful experience finding a decent nanny twice now (first nanny was temporary, then after some duds, people accepting, not showing, etc, we found our current one).

Was anyone else in a similar spot, on the fence for a while and then had something (job loss, childcare falling through, burnout, whatever) basically make the decision for you? How did it end up going? Trying to figure out if this is a sign or if I'm just reading into it bc I'm tired lol.

Thanks in advance <3

Edit to add: even if you were never in a similar situation, any pros and cons, or something you want to share about being a SAHP would be helpful.

I’m currently a stay at home mom to young kids, and have one more year before my youngest starts preschool (other two are starting first grade). Before kids I hopped around in the corporate world and then was a private chef. I had an online course business during covid that did great until it was killed by AI. I’m seriously considering going to grad school part-time to get my LMFT and ultimately open a therapy practice of 12-15 clients mostly during school hours. My husband is supportive, but years of schooling and internship hours would be a lot. Are there other moms on here that took a similar path? Was it worth it? I‘m torn between wanting an identity outside of being a mom and some extra income, versus how much smoother our family runs with me home. Any advice appreciated!

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Real question:
If you were her stay at home mom, how much does your husband or partner make a year to keep you home from work? Genuinely wondering if it’s a possibility for our family.

There is so much stuff in our house everywhere and sometimes I just want to go on a spree and throw everything away lol. We have an almost two year old and no play room so our living room has become the play area. We have an open concept house which doesn’t help. I keep trying to tell myself this is the season of life I’m in and to try and let it go but it’s so hard sometimes. I’ve just always been one of those people who need a clean and organized space for my mental health. Any tips or advice? We do clean up every night and go to bed with a clean kitchen but by the end of the night the house is a wreck.

I’m a SAHP to a toddler and on a SSRI. Sex is pretty much nonexistent right now 😅

Feels like there’s always some kind of tummy complaint after meals lately, even when we stick to pretty basic foods. We tried cutting out a few things for a while but it didn’t seem to make much difference. It’s happening often enough now that we’re taking it more seriously and trying to figure out what could be causing it. I’ve been keeping an eye on different foods and meal times, but I’m still not seeing much of a pattern. Has anyone dealt with something similar and found anything that seemed to help? He is 7 year old

Mama to a 7wk old on maternity leave…When my husband says, ‘I’ve got the baby, do whatever you want’ I find myself trying to catch up on chores, or veg out watching tv or on my phone… it isn’t lifegiving or enjoyable.

How are you using your breaks? Give me some inspo, I need to learn to enjoy things again!

I’m wondering what other moms think about this situation.

My husband has a corporate job, while I’m currently a stay-at-home mom taking care of our baby. I understand that his work can be tiring, and I don’t expect him to do everything around the house. But I also have a small crochet business and I’m currently doing training to prepare for a work-from-home job, so I’m not exactly doing nothing all day either.

Even on his days off, he rarely helps with chores or taking care of the baby. For example, he doesn’t even think to take out the garbage or help with basic household tasks unless I specifically ask. When the baby needs attention, he would rather doze off, rest, or be on his phone than spend time helping me with the baby.

I’m starting to wonder: At what point does this stop being “he’s tired from work” and become being an irresponsible or uninvolved partner and father?

For those who have been in similar situations, what were the signs that made you realize your partner wasn’t really contributing to the household or parenting? And how did you handle it?

I’d really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from moms who have been through something similar.

Obviously I'm here so I'm a sahm. I knew pregnancy made me wildly anxious. And I knew it came with exhaustion. But holy moly this pregnancy is already kicking my butt and my toddler doesn't stop talking or touching me and doesn't sleep and my gosh I'm tired.

I was spoiled last time. I got laid off at 4 weeks pregnant. I napped all pregnancy and could clean and binge TV and read. I had the brain space to deal with all the feelings and anxieties.

Plus I have 8 weeks left before the anxiety even sorta wanes. Food already smells terrible. Toddlers are gross and I didn't even realize how demanding. Very quickly making a list of "independence" things we need to work on. I want to tell her about the baby so bad but am obviously waiting. Also I'm starving and every snack I make she wants some of. I cannot pee 87 times a day in peace.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I hate the pregnancy secret so strangers on reddit seem like a good outlet 😅

Im just wondering if this is a female thing but how many of you dads get touched out and end up turning down your partner because of it? Does your desire to be intimate outweigh your desire ti never be touched ever again after a rough day?

My partner and I have been talking seriously about me staying home with our kids. We’ve gone over the financial and practical side of it, and I think it could be the right choice for us.

The part I’m more nervous about is the mental adjustment.

I’m used to work giving me a pretty clear sense that I finished something or got better at something. With kids, it seems possible to be busy all day and still look around at night and wonder what you actually did.

For anyone who left a career to stay home, did that part take some getting used to? What helped?

I currently have a 4.5 year old (boy) and I’m due next month with baby #2 (girl). Our son is starting school next week, but it’s half-days only where he will be dismissed at 11:30am Monday-Friday. I’m already starting to feel overwhelmed with how we will fill our day until husband comes home at 6pm, especially with them being further apart in age. I think it’s because I’m thinking too much about naps, mealtimes etc. Our son doesn’t nap anymore. Im already kind of struggling with one right now because I feel like he gets so bored at home and I always feel like we need to be out and doing something (I know boredom is good for kids but it also makes me feel guilty sometimes).

I need some real advice from parents who have been in the trenches with this because i am running out of ideas. my 8 year old son started primary school this year and by the time 4pm hits and we get home, he is a total emotional wreck. literally any tiny detail triggers a full meltdown. yesterday it was because i gave him the blue cup instead of the red one and the day before i asked how his day went and he just burst into tears and started yelling. i feel so drained and guilty because after a long day of work i end up losing my patience too. i figured he is just completely overstimulated after holding it together in class all day, so i’ve been trying everything to help him decompress. we tried making him sit quietly in his room for 20 minutes right after school, but that just made him feel isolated and angry. i tried giving him quiet tablet time on the couch to relax his brain, but transitioning off the screen ended up causing an even bigger tantrum. i tried doing strict no homework until after dinner, offering comforting warm snacks, even doing guided mindfulness breathing together, but nothing actually touched that physical tension in his system. the only thing that recently started making a dent is completely changing how we spend those first ten minutes at home. instead of sitting still or talking, we started doing a quick 5 minute physical reset game together using some easy movements i found on the leaply app that feel like play for him. we do some silly light stretching, then he gets his snack. he seems to transition so much smoother now and the meltdowns dropped, but i am still terrified of the afternoon collapse returning. what else could actually work to drain that built up classroom stress before the whole evening falls apart?