u/krrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Honestly I feel horrible for saying it out loud and for even thinking about it but I desperately need a good day or two where I'm not a mom, and I'm just me. Free to feel like the woman i once felt i was.

Just myself without cooking, without being stressed if they’re hungry, upset or if they need me for something. Not thinking about if they’ll get hurt playing outside, catching a cold. A day where i’m not even a wife, a daughter, or a friend. I feel so fed up with all the stress now and just want to ask if it’s even possible and if so, how can i do it? I guess there is daycare but i’m talking about an entire day, and I don't just want someone to babysit them for 4 hours. I’m talking about an entire day where i can disappear. Is it bad of me to desperately want that? My kids can’t even play together for more than an hour without fighting about something silly.

Just wanna say I love being a mom and a wife but sometimes I have forgotten what it is like to be me without any titles. I don’t even remember what I liked doing before

I used to be a SAHP when I first had my son 7 years ago. My husband was making a lot more and I had no help from my family. After having my second one, our financial situation got worse and my mother moved closer to us. It seemed like a good opportunity to jump back to work, help our finances while my mother could watch over the kids. 

When I was a SAHP I was thinking about my career a lot and sometimes I would cry thinking that these days are over now that I had a baby. After having my second child and returning back to work, I was feeling very proud of myself and started aiming high again. But this time although I was expecting to have guilt over missing out on my kids’ life.. I didn’t. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom because instead of being grateful for being a SAHP, I was thinking about the career I had and how I could get it back. 

Days or periods of guilt come and go I’m not going to lie, but I never regretted going back to work. The guilt i feel is about not feeling guilty. I’m posting this here because I really want to hear the perspective of SAHP about this. Have you ever felt like you’d prefer being at work instead of home? Do you enjoy being a SAHP more, and if so what makes it so fun?

I’ve been in this job for about 8 years now and have worked like a dog until late at nights. I’m not proud to say this but I have missed a few things when my children were younger. Missing my kid’s birthday party because I got stuck in traffic after work (couldn’t get the day off) and arrived 2.5 hours later was my last straw and since then I set the boundaries with my boss. 

Anyway that’s not the point but I’m trying to say that I MADE SOME SACRIFICES. Today is the day my boss called me in his office and announced to me that I got promoted. Promotion in my situation means more money (we need it), more responsibilities and going to work 2 Saturdays every month (I work Monday to Friday).

During weekends I get to spend time with kids so having to miss 2 Saturdays every month is a big deal for me. I sat down with my husband and we had a talk about whether I should accept the promotion or not. He suggested he could come to work with the kids during my lunchtime (2h) and we could do something quick like going to the park across the building I work. That way, they will not associate me working on Saturdays with a negative feeling, and instead they will be excited for the visit. Does that make sense? To us it did and I felt a lot better about accepting the promotion. 

During weekdays we don’t get to go out much cause I need to prepare dinner after work and they have to study after school. Maybe hanging out those two hours outside while I’m on my break can do us good and also seeing if it works out. Is it too selfish of me to want to accept this promotion, when I set boundaries last year for not wanting to miss out on beautiful moments with my kids?

My son asked me today if he can bring friends over this Saturday for a sleepover. We’re talking about 5 kids plus my two children. I instantly said no, but now I’m feeling bad.

Does that make me a bad mom? Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy my kids (especially the eldest) are blessed enough to be hanging out with the entire classroom. But longing for those 2 days of the week, where I can just rest my body and soul is something I really don’t want to give up even for a weekend. 

Besides, we all know how noisy and messy these sleepovers can get. My husband works night shifts and some weekends, meaning that I’ll be the only adult in the house. No rest for me and certainly not any help either. 

So my big question is: am I being overdramatic? I’m working very hard the entire week and with my husband working night shifts, I feel like my work does not stop until I put the children to sleep. All I want are those two days of rest but at the same time I don’t want my children to miss all the fun. 

So, I’ve come to the realisation that I’ve spent my entire adult life working in massive cities, and I’m ready for a change of pace to connect more with nature while working. I’m making the move from LA to Oakland! Since I have a lot of items that require extra care, I’m looking for reliable mover recommendations. Has anyone had a great experience with a moving company that handles long-distance moves carefully? Let me know!

For a long time I was the one planning all these elaborate weekend trips, making the kids go on walks, planning all these family nights, but I’m sooooo done.

Most of the time, these planned activities flopped. The kids were not interested/impatient, my husband was stressed managing them, and I ended up frustrated because I spent so much time nad effort planning. 

So last month, I actually stopped. We had very few planned activities anymore, and surprisingly, I felt like we had more meaningful interaction. The kids found things to do around the house, suggested activities of their own to do with us, and actually just talked to us more.

There is no more pressure for them to do anything, and because they are kids, they just find things to do. What do you guys think about this? How much mandatory family time do you have with your kids? And does it wokr?

(My kids are in elementary school btw).

My DH just texted me his “master plan” for this coming saturday and I’m already starting to stress. He’s such a loving person but I feel like he just hasn’t thought it through sometimes. 

So the plan is to take the kids (4 and 7) and I to the safari world adventure that recently opened. He saw a video of an ostrich sticking its head in a car window and thought it was hilarious, but I see a $500 detailing bill and a 4yo with a lifetime of animal trauma.

His plan was just to wing it on sunday morning, just wake up, get ready, and go. He hasn't checked that the park has a strict no outside food rule and the only cafe is at the very end of a three-mile, one-way loop. 

If the kids get hungry 20 minutes in, we are stuck in a line of cars for two hours with a hungry 7yo and zero exits.

It's just like two weekends ago when he decided we should go to that huge all-day inflatable water park. He didn't check the height requirements, so the 4yo spent the whole day crying because he couldn't go on the cool slides. DH also forgot to pack a waterproof bag for our phones/keys, so i spent the day sitting on a bench guarding our stuff while he had fun with the 7yo.

I work 45 hours a week, and I just don’t have the mental capacity to plan even the small fun outings. And I don’t want to be the negative person to point out all the things that will/can go wrong. Why can’t a chill day at home be a fun activity too?

I’ve been wanting to spend more quality time with the kids recently, but I feel like everything suggested seems like a lot of mental work. Planning, setting up, organizing, etc…

Especially by the end of the day, when I’m exhausted and the kids are tired. Anything that requires some kind of effort/planing ahead of time just doesn’t happen.

My kids are in elementary school, and most of the time, they just end up on their screens towards the end of the night (it's a difficult balance for us). I just wish that time could be spent doing something that is rewarding but also not exhausting to plan.

Is there anything that’s actually low effort but still feels like real time together?

Because right now I feel like I’m missing something.

Thanks

Basically what the title says. I am struggling hard..

I’m working at a super high stress corporate job, lots of meeting, lots of emails per day, and by the time i’m done and pick my kids up from school/daycare, i’m pretty much just dead. 

I feel terrible though, my kids are in elementary and they always want to play. My social battery is empty and I’m finding myself just doom-scrolling lately. I feel like I’m not being a good enough mom. 

I’ve been fighting the urge to give them some screen time because I feel like I don’t have any other options. I really don’t want this to be the solution.

Dad works night shifts at the moment, 6 PM to 5 AM, so he’s not of much help. But at least he takes the kids to school.

If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear it. 

please help. thank you.