Indecision Made Me Homeless
I’m so exhausted I just wanna cry.
I graduated exactly one year ago. I was extremely hardworking, had good grades, internships, a clear plan, and genuinely felt like I was on the right path.
Then I lost what I considered my dream job, and something in me just broke. Since then, I’ve been stuck in this downward spiral of indecision and paralysis. I had to move countries, and ever since then it feels like my life has just been slowly declining.
It started with taking a job I don’t love. In my mind, it was only temporary until I “figured things out.” But because I kept telling myself the job was temporary, and because I kept thinking I wanted to move countries again, I didn’t want to commit to an apartment. So instead, I’ve been jumping from one sublet to another.
That has slowly ruined a lot of basic parts of my life. I’m not eating well. I’m constantly dehydrated because some of the kitchens in these sublets are genuinely disgusting, so I avoid using them. I stopped working out because I’m always moving from place to place. Some of the bathrooms are gross too, so I don’t shower days at a time.
This isn’t even really a financial issue. I worked for years before university and I have savings. This is purely a problem with commitment and not being able to make long term (or even short term) decisions.
Yesterday, the sublet I was supposed to move into canceled last minute, and I ended up sleeping on a bench at a local university.
I keep thinking I’ve hit rock bottom, and then every few months I somehow prove myself wrong.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for here. I guess I’m just venting. I didn’t used to be like this. Something snapped after losing that job and moving countries, and I haven’t felt like the same person since.
Sorry for the long post. I just don’t know what to do anymore.