My mother hijacked my therapy consultation, tried to force me into a car with my abuser, and called the cops on me. I need advice to cut her control.
I'm 20F, autistic, and I live independently in my own apartment. My mom is my representative payee and she uses that to control basically everything — my money, my medical care, my life. She weaponizes my diagnosis constantly and today was honestly one of the worst examples of it.
Today I had a consultation with a new therapist in Houston. Houston is my late dad's city and I haven't been back since he died so I was really looking forward to it, not just the appointment but being there again. My mom's only job today was to drive me. That was it.
There was a small issue with my confirmation email at the start of the day so I called the therapist directly and we worked it out and agreed on 4:30. I had six hours to wait and I was completely fine with that, it wasn't a big deal at all.
My mom made it a big deal. She got mad immediately and started lecturing me and I just asked her to send me some of my own money so I could walk around the city, see some of my dad's old places, or just sit in a library until 4:30. She said no. She told me my autism makes me an easy target and I couldn't walk around Houston alone. I'm 20 and I live by myself but apparently that doesn't matter.
When I told her she didn't have to stay and I could handle my own ride later she escalated and told me the only person she'd allow to pick me up was my stepfather. My stepfather who has abused me. That was the option she gave me.
I was angry but I kept it together and told her she was making this into something it didn't need to be. She ignored me completely, drove to the practice, went inside and called the therapist without me, and told them I was autistic and didn't understand what was going on. She went out of her way to frame herself as necessary before I even walked through the door.
I got out of the car to clear my head for a minute and she called the police on me. She told them I was autistic and couldn't be left alone. I was standing outside trying to decompress and she used my diagnosis to send the cops after me.
I still made it to the 4:30 appointment but I was not okay by then. I had spent the entire day in my head, completely stressed, trying to mentally prepare to explain everything so the therapist wouldn't already have a messed up picture of me from whatever my mom said. By the time I actually got there I went into a shutdown and couldn't talk about any of the things I actually came there for. The therapist was understanding and told me my mom won't be involved going forward but I lost the whole appointment. I lost the whole day.
And now my mom is complaining about missing work, she's talking to my abuser, and she's telling everyone I had a crisis today to make herself look justified.
I'm exhausted. Not just tired, genuinely exhausted in a way that's hard to explain when you've spent your whole life having to prove you're a capable person and someone keeps finding new ways to take that from you. I don't know what my next move is. Do I report her to SSA? Try to change my payee? Get a lawyer? I don't know where to start and I'm too drained to figure it out alone. If you've dealt with a controlling payee or a parent like this please tell me what you did first because right now I genuinely have no idea where to go from here.
TL;DR: My mom refused to give me access to my own money, offered my abuser as my only ride option, called the therapist behind my back to make her involvement seem necessary, and called the police on me for stepping outside to decompress. It caused me to shut down during my actual consultation. I'm 20, autistic, I live independently, and I'm overwhelmed. What would you do first?