I need help please
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore and I need advice
I’ve been dating this girl since last November. At the start she was honestly the sweetest person ever. Later on I found out she lied about a few things, but nothing cheating-related or insane, mostly insecurity stuff. In March she finally told me the full truth about everything and I stayed because I loved her and understood why she acted that way
The problem is her life has been horrible for years. Verbally abusive dad, parents constantly talking badly about her, her mum switching from guy to guy, bullying for most of her school life, depression, mental issues, racist/homophobic family, feeling ignored compared to her sister, failing school, basically everything stacked against her. When she opened up to me about all that it honestly broke me because I just wanted to make her feel loved for once.
But recently everything changed.
A couple days ago she suddenly told me she “wanted to be a teenager” and experience life. She said she wants to start smoking weed, drinking, going to parties, and basically be free. She also said she wanted both of us to be free and hinted at breaking up. What confuses me is she says she has really bad social anxiety, so I don’t even understand how going to parties matches that
The weirdest part is that she seems happier around her friends, even though they’ve treated her badly before. Meanwhile with me she’s become dry, distant, and emotionally checked out. She admitted she was drained from “faking happiness” sometimes. She’s also extremely jealous and we used to argue over tiny things like me getting a new follower, but I always reassured her and tried to make her feel secure
Now I feel like the girl who loved me is gone.
What’s messing me up the most is that she’s had suicidal thoughts recently, so I feel trapped between wanting to protect her and realizing I might be holding onto someone who doesn’t love me anymore. I can’t just disappear if she’s mentally unstable, but staying hurts too
I’ve genuinely stopped functioning properly these past days. I used to love gaming and talking to friends and now I just lay there exhausted thinking about this situation. I miss who she used to be, or maybe who I thought she was.
I don’t know if she’s pushing me away because of her mental health, because she wants freedom, or because she simply fell out of love.