u/Ill-Candidate-2401

I (F30) have been in a relationship with him (M35) since I was 18 years old. Ours was an on-and-off relationship for years. Throughout that time, he lied repeatedly, went on trips without telling me the truth — at times even with women — and constantly made promises about taking me places or prioritising our relationship, but never followed through.
By 2020, things became relatively stable. The lying reduced, but the effort and prioritisation were still missing. He still didn’t make proper plans with me, take me out, or put genuine effort into building a life together despite us being together for over a decade.
In May 2025, our Roka happened, and I moved to another city. Even after the engagement, he rarely came to meet me. Whenever I questioned him about making financial losses or poor decisions — especially given my professional background in finance where I repeatedly advised him not to make those mistakes — it would always turn into fights instead of healthy communication. The same cycle repeated every time: mistakes, arguments, defensive behaviour, and emotional exhaustion.
After every fight, he would try to smooth things over by promising trips, outings, or future plans together. But then he would spend heavily on expensive things for himself before my visit and later claim he was “broke” and had no money left. Throughout the relationship, I always contributed equally financially. I have always done 50-50 with him, so it was never about money for me — it was about honesty, consistency, and effort.
Even after the engagement, he repeatedly said things like, “I don’t know if I want to get married” or “I’m confused,” while simultaneously telling his mother, “Why would I do the Roka if I didn’t want to marry her?”
Wedding dates were finalized and the venue was booked. Later, he wanted to shift the wedding date because he claimed he was worried about my upcoming exam. The exam dates actually were not clashing with the wedding date, but we still mutually agreed to shift things.
Right after that, he lied again and went on a trip. When confronted, he justified it by saying the trip was “from my state itself,” so according to him it did not count as lying. At that point, he had already not spoken to me properly for five days. While leaving for the trip, all he said was, “I’m out, call me if you want.”
This time, things became extremely serious because of the repeated lying.
Months earlier, I had shared with him that one of my distant aunts had made offensive comments about him to a third party, including calling him gay. I had received a voice note regarding this and was genuinely considering filing a legal complaint. At that time, he tried to act understanding and supportive, telling me not to escalate things because that aunt was irrelevant and would not even attend the wedding.
But later, he used that exact issue as leverage and involved his mother in it. His mother then said things like, “Go ask that aunt to find a guy for you,” completely disrespecting my 12-year relationship with her son.
When his father suggested that the misunderstanding should be resolved by allowing us to talk things through maturely, his mother instead called her son and told him to choose between me and her.
I then travelled to meet him in person so we could speak face-to-face and clear things up. But when I reached his door, he refused to open it as his mom said not to, saying, “Let me ask my parents first.” Ironically, just a week earlier, he had no issue opening the door for me secretly and lying to his mother in order to get intimate with me.
For years, despite his lies and cheating, I never reacted violently. I had even jokingly told him many times, “Bhai main pitvadungi agar jhooth bola aur cheat kiya,” but despite him repeatedly lying and cheating, I never actually did anything remotely close to that.
Still, his mother started saying things like, “Don’t open the door, she will kill you.” My mother was on call at that moment and heard this directly herself. She then called his mother from another number asking why she was saying such things, and his mother responded by saying there was nothing left to discuss and that I should leave because “she will kill my son.”
I even told him directly that if they genuinely believed I was dangerous, then let’s go to the police station together right then and there. The moment I said that, his confidence visibly dropped.
Instead of addressing his own actions, the argument escalated further. He started saying things like, “Do you know how your daughter was standing? Why did she come here? She lied and came here.” He then threatened to expose private intimate details of our relationship by saying things like, “Should I send her everything we did?”
The only mistake I made in that moment was deleting some messages out of anger. Thankfully, those messages were still available in the recently deleted folder, which ultimately protected me.
I recovered the messages and started showing him every conversation one by one. Before that, his entire narrative was that he had never asked me to visit him. But the messages clearly showed that he himself had asked me to come earlier.
Meanwhile, he was recording everything selectively throughout the confrontation while completely ignoring his own lies, manipulation, and behaviour across the relationship.
Before leaving, I told him clearly that his mother had no right to tell me whom I should choose after I had chosen her son and stood by him for 12 years. I also told him he should have corrected her in that moment instead of staying silent while she disrespected me and our entire relationship.

Looking to Donate 3 Bags of Women's Clothing - Suggestions welcome

Wedding called off: things got ugly!