New and Confused
2 years with a man whose in a 6+ nesting partnership. Though I’m new to Poly I’ve been very graceful in our relationship. At one point he was very unhappy with his partner and communicated multiple times that I gave him relativity again in being in real love and that he saw me long term. I understand that’s a red flag and not fair to his partner or me. I for one would never want to break someone up I just stayed out and never ill willed or pushed him to leave but to communicate and work through those challenges. Last year I communicated I maybe wanted to have a 3 way with him and someone specific. She came to see me this weekend and we ended up staying over at his place with a bunch of people. I’ve never brought it up since and I assumed it would be something I would initiate or we’d talk about it before anything ever really happened. I also did not preface that her coming over was dangling the carrot. At some point late in the night I woke up to him holding both of our hands on the couch. He also had 2 guy friends in the room hanging out. I immediately felt sick. He then asked if I wanted her to come to the bedroom and I said no. So I snuck away and went to bed. In the morning I asked why he held her hand and he said that it’s the only way to start a 3 way. He said he assumed that’s why I brought her over. When I said I felt I wanted to initiate it first he said I was “making rules and confining him” that he’s always been this way and he will never change. But he’s never been affectionate with anyone in front of me before. I know I put the idea out there but is there anyway I’m right and he should have discussed how I would go about it together? The problem is we’ve been rocky the last 2 months and I’m a little insecure right now and not ready to sleep with someone and him who I see as my best friend. My idea on that changed for the moment. He responded terribly and was incredibly defensive. With that reaction I felt I needed to end the relationship. Then he said I’m not meant to be poly. That I shouldn’t care about what transpired and I’m being dramatic. He’s been incredible to me the last 2 years. What’s the most confusing is every time I meet someone he cries and throws a slight fit. He struggles with territory. Though he really doesn’t see my perspective in that I have nothing but him. He’s very locked in and comfy with his nesting partner and has like 3 other girls he makes time for. I just want some clarity on if I’m in the wrong for being immediately insecure when he made the move to hold her without a real conversation in doing a 3 way.