He promised her he’d leave me first, but kept texting her behind my back
My ex-fiancé betrayed me during one of the darkest periods of my life and I genuinely feel traumatized by how cold everything became.
We met when I was 18 and he was 30. We were together for years, lived together, got engaged, and built an entire life together. I stayed through so much, especially his cocaine addiction, which I didn’t fully understand the severity of until we moved in together.
After my abortion, our relationship became really strained. I was emotionally destroyed and he was spiraling deeper into addiction and unhealthy behavior. Instead of facing our problems or supporting me during one of the most painful experiences of my life, he ran to another woman for attention and validation.
At first she didn’t know how serious our relationship was. Eventually he admitted to her that we were engaged and still together, and apparently told her that if we officially ended things he would let her know before our vacation together.
But he never told her anything because we were still together.
So instead, she messaged me herself to let me know he had been texting her behind my back the entire time.
The whole thing felt so calculated, dishonest, and emotionally cruel. While I was grieving physically and emotionally after the abortion and trying to hold our relationship together, he was emotionally investing in someone else and hiding it from both of us in different ways.
Now, only 6 months after our breakup, he’s with her publicly and it honestly feels like she’s trying to take my place and make sure I see it. Maybe that sounds irrational, but after years together and everything we went through, watching another woman slide into the life we built together feels deeply disturbing and painful.
I know logically that someone else being with him does not erase me or the years we shared, but emotionally I still feel replaced, discarded, and humiliated.
Has anyone else experienced betrayal like this after a long-term relationship? How do you stop obsessing over the other woman and the feeling that someone stepped into your life while you were still grieving it?