u/Ill-Hour-9847

Hey everyone!
How many of you are recovering while trying to parent children? I have two 13S and 10S. I have two step daughters who are adults. I am struggling with my youngest son. He has significant learning difficulties and ADHD. He struggles socially and has anxiety about me dying- so you can imagine how this went over. I just get so stressed out trying to help him- he becomes oppositional when anxious. My parents are the opposite of helpful - they make it worse.

I’m just wondering how any of you have managed parenting active kids while trying recover? I think I know the answer (their dad needs to step up more) and their step dad needs to do more for me…

I was admitted to hospital for 12 days. No ICU. I had a Ecoli kidney infection and then they started treating me for septic shock. After the ER, things went down the tube fast. My memory blips. I don’t remember certain things, but I do remember the feeling that I was going to die. I ended up with fluid in my chest cavity, lower lungs struggling to inflate, pneumonia, and inflammation in my heart.

I got out last Saturday, and while I knew I’d need to go slow - realizing the slow level I have to go is pretty much not working and just trying to get through the day. I get tired and out of breath if I rush to do anything. Tough being a mom, running a business, and my other responsibilities. My mom is a nervous wreck- I get chest pains when she brings up my health and she can’t get off of it. My husband is angry. He blames me. That my burnout led to all of it. I think he’s scared - I’m his person. It is INCREDIBLY hard to be blamed for your own sepsis.. I don’t think it’s accurate. He is challenging for me to be around lately- I just feel incredible stress. He watches what I eat, drink, do.. it’s too much… and if I’m just tired or forget my waterbottle at home he accuses me of having a death wish. (Yes he needs therapy). I have told him I didn’t cause my sepsis- but he argues how hard I worked set me up for it.. so that’s why it’s my fault. (Man he sounds awful- he’s really not; he gets desperate though and has his own stress running another business). I have told him he needs to talk his friend who’s’ wife went septic years ago- he’s needs another perspective.

I’m just wondering if there’s anyone on here that has this experience at a younger age like me? The life expectancy data scares me even though I know it’s based on people over 65. I’m a very high functioning person who works hard, is reliable, and follows through and i feel like i can’t be that person anymore. I am concerned about finances and losing my independence. Looking for advice. Please be kind- I have had enough criticism.

Basically everything in the title. He was dx in his 30s - he’s 53 now. He has low T and high blood pressure, which he is medicated for. He tried meds in his 30s and had horrible side effects that actually have lasted ever since. Sleep is a trigger and he wakes up early for work. It’s difficult- he basically wants silence from 8pm onward when I get home at 7pm from work and I have an hour to talk to him. (This isn’t everyday- but it happens a lot during busy seasons). He sticks to his routines, nutrition, fitness, so I know that he relies on that. I think I can just feel myself disengaging sometimes. He gets into a phase of being a know it all or we should do this and we should do that.. then when I need to talk about something he needs to shut down for sleep now. It’s like there are topics off limit- so I shut down and then he feels bad and tries to say I’m the most important person in the world to him he just doesn’t want to talk about xYZ before bed.

He’s hard to be in a relationship with and doesn’t see how it stresses me out. I try to take care do myself, and he gets upset with me when I don’t- but then it feels like I can’t have needs or disagree with him, but he can’t see that as an issue.

I’m just looking for advice from those of you who experience this. I’m 40 and we have a blended family and each own our businesses. He is high functioning with BP2- I know this. I just feel stuck sometimes when his libido, energy, rigidness, and needs come before mine. He becomes defensive when I bring this up, citing that he told me that he was selfish with his time. I recognize he need routines and structures for balance. I’m just feeling like it’s costing me and I begin to back off. We’ve been together 7 years. I know I’m burned out for lots of reasons, not just the relationship.