Is this abuse? Am I crazy?
My 55 years old husband of 23 years has been horrible to me. Verbally, emotionally and financially abusive, and demeaning, but I never thought he was a cheater. Many times I didn't want to have sex with him because he treated me so bad. He just grabs my breast like a piece of meat indicating he wants sex. We have 2 adults girls who are appalled and want me to leve him.
About a year ago at work, he was put in charge of a sales training program for new graduates. He has hired 95% girls for this program, about 22, 23 years olds.
Shortly after the program started I noticed some changes but I didn't think anything about it. He started a complex beauty routine, complete with collagen eye patches and more.
He was fixiated on losing weight, buying new clothes, shoes.
New taste in music, started listening to the same stuff our daughters listen.
Receiving phone calls from one of the trainees late night on Friday and Saturday, while we were at home. She was from the first batch of trainees.
Then the second class started. His medical device company headquarters is in another state, so he and the girls stay in the same hotel I notice he started to taking the new trainees for outings then going to the hotel bar to have "study sessions" and drinks at hotel bar.
He started receiving texts at any time day of night from one of the girls from the second class. She's 23 years old. I discovered calls back from March from her to him after midnight with a duration of 90, 120, 145 minutes.
He created bonding events and take them to baseball games and other "company outings."
Now every single night that he travels he goes out to restaurants and drinking afterwards. Or at their hotel bar.
He also put her picture on the refrigerator at our home.
I discovered receipts for drinks at a brewery 11 something pm and a next-day receipt for breakfast at breakfast restaurant for 2 people.
I see how his demeanor changes when he answer the phone, a perfect very happy man and a gentleman. While at home I get the man that tells me that stop with the "hispanic panic" or says fuck you when sneezing instead of achuu, or calls me retard. Make fun that "I have no ass" (I lost a lot of weight) or that my boobs reach my waist. The man that calls me delusional.
On april 13th my dog got sick. He always traveled late Sunday to arrive to the hotel and be early at work on Monday. That day he took the first flight out our city, so he spent Sunday april 13th whole afternoon with that girl in a brewery. My dog was deteriorating rapidly, when I called him multiple times because my dog needed urgent surgery, I was a mess because he was dying, he just wanted to rushed me off the phone. When I asked, he told me he was with her at a brewery "waiting for other people" that they never arrived btw.
He has pictures of her on his phone that he refuses to delete becuse I can't demand him to remove them. Because "I can have as many pictures of whom I want, period."
When I confronted him about all of this, he gets angry. He says I am delusional, that I have a warped perception of reality, that I have sick and twisted mind he told me that I need to stop with the issue, because not only my mind is twisted but I have childhood issues that are unresolved. That I abandoned him for the last 4 years that I went back to school and told me that I am ripping what I saw.
He loves this double life of traveling 1st class, eating at fine restaurants, outings and great hotels because the company pays for it. But at home he doesn't want to do anything, he still sore because he had to pay $22.50 last time we went to a movie when our oldest daughter was 3years old. Everything has to be on sale or cupons. I have been told so many time for the past 20 something years that I am crazy that i don't know anymore. I made an appointment with a therapist but she can't see me next week, i have to wait 12 long days. In the meantime I am asking the community for help. Thank you for reading my ramblings