She is Leaving Me ... For a Woman That She Just Met
My wife and I have been married for nearly 19 years, together for 23. We have three children together: ages 17, 14, and 2. Yes, we had another baby, our beautiful daughter, and it was no whoops, either. Of course, as my BPD brethren and sisters know, much chaos and turmoil has been the hallmark of our relationship. It has been a slow and steady decline from day one, notably worsened after the post-partum depression with our second born. Since then, in 2012, my wife has become increasingly less respectful, less loving, less trustworthy, volatile, angry, and threatening of divorce. I could run through the list of texts to other men, getting slapped in the face, holes kicked in doors, expensive purchases without asking, numerous career changes … but you’ve all experienced this to some level. Over the course of the last 2 years, she has pushed for divorce on and off while also pushing to buy a house, have our daughter, and making plans for the future. A future for our family.
She recently went on a cruise with her lesbian aunts … a lesbian cruise to be exact. When she returned, the following night, she started to press me about some minor thing and when I reacted … not even yelling, mind you, but just defended myself, she instantly went into divorce talk again. But this time was different. In the past she would give in and have sex but this time? No touching, whatsoever. None. Coldness. Distance. A true discard like I have never seen … a final one. She began going to the gym every morning at 4:30 for two hours. She was 100% adamant about divorce, brought home dissolution paperwork, and it is like a switch went off in her. The craziest part (as our coworkers noted) is that she had JUST RESIGNED from her job two weeks before that cruise and was going to stay home with our toddler for the year … and now she is divorcing and has gotten a job teaching in another community some distance away.
I have not challenged it. I’m filling out the paperwork and the whole time she is upset that I am claiming full physical custody … because I have them full time according to Alaska law. We argued about this (well, she argued … I just kept saying “you don’t have them the number of days required) for hours today. She literally is leaving the home and the kids, yet wants shared custody … because she doesn’t want to look back. Through this whole thing, something has stunk. She kept saying people don’t leave good marriages. That if I had loved her more then she wouldn’t be leaving. So on and so forth.
Finally, this evening I confronted her: “You met somebody on the cruise, didn’t you?” Turns out? Yep. Met a woman and fell in love. They live on the east coast, so she was waking up extra early to call and FaceTime her daily. She is moving up here to live with my wife. My wife is now a lesbian and feels a connection that she has “never felt before”. For a month she was saying I’m the reason for the divorce and she HAS to leave because she just cannot live with me but that was all B.S. I kept telling her she had a choice and we could work it out (prior to today), and she was adamant that she had to leave. That it was over. Monkey branch, but to a woman. Talk about textbook BPD. I never thought it would end quite like this … but here we are.
My wife. Blowing up our family. Destroying everything for a woman she just met (even if, in context, our relationship was sour, it could have been salvaged). Our kids now have two homes. Our kids have to travel between two places for holidays. Our kids will not have a mother the majority of the year. Our kids will no longer have a nuclear home. Our future plans of gardens, backyard swings, building a carport, house expansions, our boys building on our property … all of that gone. A complete future and a lifelong companion … gone … Because my wife fell in love with a woman after one week. Prayers as I navigate this dissolution, fight for my children, and live life BPD free.