What to do
My (39F) husband (34M) was texting a woman after he came home wasted. I was at home with our kids (age 5 and 7) while he golfed and then went to watch basketball after. He came home at 3 am and stayed up texting before passing out. When I wake up I figured I had a right to look at who he was texting. I rarely look at this stuff but something was not sitting right. And I apparently had reason to be concerned. I saw he was texting a woman. I know of her and met her years ago when she was married to his friend. But now I see lingerie pics of her and him asking to see her and get with her and come over. That he wants to be with her and he thinks about her sober too and how he is confessing this to “shoot his shot”.
Needless to say I feel insulted and disrespected. When I confronted him in the morning he was saying how he didn’t remember any of it and he doesn’t feel that way and he was to drunk to even function and he took a hit of weed that messed him up even more to where he didn’t remember anything from that night. How he would have been to messed up to do anything. But he was trying to go over and if she didn’t say no, I have no doubt based on what he texted he would have. He was trying to say his other friend was texting her off his phone. But I know for a fact he texted her because he was right next to me doing it.
He is telling me he will never drink again and never hang out with his other friend again if I give him another chance to gain my trust and that he doesn’t actually feel that way and he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. He says that’s not the real him. I want to give him another chance. I don’t want to get a divorce but I don’t know if I can get over that. I kind of just feel like I’m being the gullible girl believing he will change and he doesn’t actually feel that way. I can’t understand how you can say that drunk and have non of it be true. Now I am doubting everything. I made him text her saying he was wrong to say those things and he doesn’t feel that way. I told him either he text her or I call her. And I still kind of want to call her and see what she has to say. I don’t blame her, only him. I would just hope if she did talk to me that she would tell me the truth.
Should I call her to try and get more information? If this has been going on for a while I know I cannot stay, But as of right now I just don’t know.