My friend began dating my crush despite knowing i liked him
Sorry if this is really long, i desperately needed to get it off my chest!
I’m not the type of person to get crushes often. It’s very rare for me, but when I do, I feel deeply and don’t even notice anyone else. I met this guy through one of my closest friends, and I loved talking to him. We shared so many interests, and I found myself wanting to speak to him more and more. He made me feel seen and respected in a way my other guy friends never had. Whenever I worried I was talking too much, he would reassure me and genuinely listen to what I had to say. He was such a kind person and a really good friend. After a while, I realised I liked him. Before him, I had only ever liked one other guy, so the feeling scared me. I wasn’t used to being that vulnerable, especially with a friend. On top of that, my parents are very strict, and I knew nothing could realistically happen because we’re not the same ethnicity and i didn’t expect him to feel the same way. So I kept my feelings to myself for months.
Eventually, I told my close friend about it, the same friend who introduced us. I told her it was stupid and that I’d get over him, but she encouraged me to stop running from my feelings and just embrace them. After that conversation, I stopped distancing myself from him and let myself enjoy talking to him without overthinking everything. Even if we were only ever friends, being around him made me happy. Because of her, some of my other friends also found out I liked him, even though I wanted to keep it private. She apologised afterwards, and I forgave her. But before Easter, I asked her directly if she liked him, because I had this constant feeling that she might. She kept telling me no, saying she could never like him and that their relationship was more like siblings.
Then Easter break came, and honestly, my mental health hit rock bottom. When I came back to uni, my friends were acting strange around me. I could tell something was being hidden, and it felt like everyone was walking on eggshells. The day after my birthday, my friend called me to her flat because she needed to tell me something. That’s when she admitted that during Easter, she and my crush had started talking a lot more and realised they had feelings for each other. It hurt more than I can explain, but I didn’t let her see that because I genuinely care about her and didn’t want a man to ruin our friendship. I told her she didn’t need my permission or blessing because I can’t control her feelings or his. I’ve slowly started getting over him with time, but some parts still hurt. Not even because he chose her, but because I know I would never do that to someone I cared about. At the same time, I feel like I can’t complain because he was her friend first. What hurts most is that I trusted her enough to confide in her, and she encouraged my feelings so much that I let myself fall deeper than I ever intended to, only for it to end exactly the way I was afraid it would. It made me question myself a lot. Will I ever be chosen? Is there something wrong with me?
I can be around him now without feeling that kind of feeling, but little things still sting. Hearing my friends tease her about him the way they used to tease me hurts in a way I can’t describe. Seeing the flowers he gave her sitting in her room genuinely made me feel sick.
I’m not angry at her. I’m just hurt, and I feel guilty for even feeling that way. I honestly don’t know if what she did was unfair, or if I’m just overthinking everything.