Is this ocd or me discovering myself?
Hey I’m 16 male and filled with anxiety rn and really need help I don’t expect anyone to respond to this in a helpful way or anything I guess I just need reassurance? My ocd is so bad rn I’m so worried that I want to transition into a girl and change my gender identity my therapist says to just sit with it and try to ignore the ocd and see how u truly feel I try to do that but when I say I’m open to the idea I guess it just makes things word I have no problem with being trans I don’t think but maybe I do? maybe I see it as shameful or something idk? That’s what happened when I was worried I was secretly gay and didn’t like women at all I kinda viewed being gay as shameful a little bit. Whenever I do something feminine or relate to a feminine character or imagine myself as a girl I just feel attracted to it not really as and Identity thing I guess but I love painting my nails and dressing femininely I guess kinda like an androgynous look I guess idk. I hate that when I try to think about it and imagine me as a girl all I can think is wow attractive and not really see if I actually want to be a woman or not because all I can think is how attractive it is. What makes it worse is I relate to jinx from arcane a lot it’s corny I know but whenever I start to think about how much I relate to her or how pretty she is I get this thought u must want to be her or something and when I ask myself I say well sure I guess it would be cool she has powers and is smart and suffers from some of the same stuff as me why not I guess and that just makes things worse. When I ask myself if i could hit a button to become a girl would I press it I say yes because I’m curious of what it would be like. It’s mostly a sexual thing I guess because all I think of it as is hot so idk. I asked some people about it and they said well if u had the fear of being secretly gay and u ended up bi maybe there’s something underneath the anxiety that maybe u want to be trans or something like that and it made me spiral so hard. When I see myself in the mirror and I look slightly like a girl I feel attracted to myself or when I do girly things I also feel attracted to myself which makes me worry more.