u/Ill-Sir-451

Hello everyone! For those in a relationship for more than 5 years, how do you guys keep I guess the spark going? How do you guys flirt and all that jazz?

Hello everyone! It’s my first time here posting things like this but I hope you guys don’t mind if I rant because genuinely I don’t know what to do anymore. Anyways, long story short we have been together for about 10 years now. Everything was going well until (what my fiancé says everytime) I got into nursing school and I got too comfortable that I haven’t been taking care of myself physically. I gained weight during nursing school and now after graduating am still struggling with the weight. But I digress (again apologies if this is all over the place my attention span is sometimes shot lol). Now during our time together, he was mostly the one initiating sex at the beginning of our relationship and said at some point that I should be initiating sex so he “didn’t feel like I was being forced into sex.” Now keeping those two topics in mind, it appears that whenever we get into arguments; the most recent one where I misplaced his car parts for his friend, he will always keep bringing up that he’s not happy in our relationship and that whenever we keep having these arguments that I haven’t changed despite me saying I will. And then he’ll always say something along the lines of it’s like you’re doing this to me on purpose to spite me.

Now I’m gonna be honest since he’s brought it up I have been struggling to be consistent whether that be my workouts, clean eating, and trying to initiate sexual intercourse when the mood and time is right. Like I’ll trying for a couple of weeks but then fall out of it. But whenever I do actually do the things, I always feel discouraged because when I’ll bring up to him like hey I did Pilates and cardio for perhaps 30-45 minutes, he’s like I don’t believe you. Or that’s not enough. And the latest when I tried initiating sex with him, he said I was being emotionally and sexually abusive towards him because I don’t initiate sex and that to him it feels like I don’t find him attractive. He’s even at some point during an argument compared me to my friend and his sister in law.

And you guys I’m honestly at a lost of what to think or do. And I would’ve referred to my best friend to confide into but apparently he told her and her husband (whom he’s like best friends with) and apparently she said to him she’ll keep giving me hints or things to spice up our sex life. And her husband straight up just told him to leave me… And I haven’t told her anything about our relationship since god knows how long because apparently she told her husband something very private about me and my fiancé.

And if you ask how I’m feeling every time he brings up the same points about the relationship, i feel numb. Like before I would’ve cried like the cry baby I am. But whenever he just talks to me the way he does, I just go numb and silent. And I love him I do. But I don’t know….