I [25F] feel disrespected by my boyfriend’s [25M] relationship with his girl best friend [25F]
(25M) and his girl best friend.
They’ve apparently been best friends since 6th grade, and he told me about her before we started dating a year ago. I was fine with it at first because I didn’t want to be controlling or insecure. But over time, things started happening that made me uncomfortable.
For example, I found out (by going through his phone, which I know wasn’t right) that he comments things on her Instagram like “it’s your world and we’re living in it 😍❤️” and sends her flowers on Valentine’s Day. His excuse was: “I send flowers to all the women in my life. I didn’t tell you because you would’ve gotten mad.” The problem is he still doesn’t see why that would bother me.
Now Memorial Day weekend is coming up. Last year we went to her lake house, and while we were there I found out from other people — not him or her — that there were girls there he had previously hooked up with. Nobody thought to tell me beforehand. He wants me to go back this year, but honestly I don’t want to.
Whenever I try to explain why I’m uncomfortable, he says things like “nothing will ever tear apart this friendship” and that I’m “going to have to like her one way or another because her and her family aren’t leaving his life.” He also says I secretly want him to cut her off, which isn’t true. I just feel disrespected and like my feelings don’t matter.
At one point I even said maybe they should just be together because their relationship feels so emotionally intense, and he got really mad at me.
I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is disrespectful behavior. I feel hopeless and don’t know what to do.