My strongest mushroom trip ended with the simplest realization: life is life
took shrooms around midday in my apartment and this was probably the strongest ego dissolution i’ve had.
the weirdest part is it didn’t really feel like “death” to me. it felt more like my body had to completely readjust from normal mode into shroom mode lol. like my normal body map started changing. breathing felt different, touch felt weird, even the sense of where “i” was located became unstable.
then at some point there was basically no little “me” controlling anything anymore.
seeing was just seeing.
touching was just touching.
breathing just happened.
and i got this huge feeling of like
cosmos is me, me is cosmos
not like “my ego is god” lol. more like i couldn’t find where i actually separated from everything else. my body was still here obviously, but it felt like this body was just one place where the whole thing was happening.
time was absolutely fucked too. like a few minutes felt insanely long.
then my brain went through all this shit about Source, incarnation, death, why life becomes individual, why the universe makes all these limited forms and then those forms spend their entire lives trying to find Source again
and then somehow after all this cosmic shit the trip just kept getting simpler.
eventually it was literally:
life is life
like… food is food. warmth is warmth. body is body. friendship is friendship. if you miss home, you miss home.and i suddenly felt like humans build so much extra stuff on top of this. status, institutions, identities, systems, even spirituality. not saying those things are fake, but life was already happening before any of that.
then i had another thought:
the center is here
like even when my normal identity was dissolving, there was still just… being here. something didn’t need external permission to exist.
then of course the mushrooms decided i had done enough philosophy and absolutely wrecked my stomach
i puked, had stomach pain for hours, felt this weird warm irritation in my belly. later i drank cold milk tea and somehow that actually helped a lot lol.
and weirdly the stomach pain became part of the whole thing.
the trip basically went:
COSMOS → SOURCE → EGO DISSOLUTION → BODY → STOMACH → PUKE → MILK TEA → HOME → LIFE
one of my close friends was talking to me while my stomach hurt and he could tell i was homesick too. honestly that simple emotional support hit harder than some of the cosmic stuff.
i also smoked weed later which was probably dumb because it brought some of the intensity back for a bit. eventually i just felt like my body was saying
bro enough
and honestly that felt like the ending of the whole trip.
i don’t want to take shrooms again for a long time now. not because i regret it, but because it actually felt finished.
the funniest part is i went through all this ego dissolution/cosmos/source shit and the final answer was basically
being alive in a body is already good
eat something.
drink something.
feel warm.
talk to your friend.
miss home.
sleep.
maybe we spend our whole lives looking for Source and then realize this life was never outside it in the first place.
idk man.
life is life. the center is here.
the source really put "hard" work to be exist here embodied. But once embodied seek enlightment. Once realized, oh we are just playing
Om shakti, shakti, shakti (my spontaneous chant i somehow just known)