Controlling MIL
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My husband and I live in another city for work. My mother‑in‑law has always been very controlling with him. For example, whenever he is out with me, she expects him to call her five times to give updates. Even when we are at home in our place, she calls him multiple times a day to ask what he has eaten, and if he mentions vegetarian food, she makes comments like “so sad” or “how pity,” because he mostly likes to eat non‑vegetarian food. And she makes non veg three times a day at their place.
During my pregnancy, when I was exhausted from office work and household chores, my husband started making his own tea. She criticized this, saying things like, “You never lifted a cup when you were here, but now you make tea daily. You should make it for me too, not just for your wife.” When I complained to my husband, he shouted at me, saying they were “just joking” and that I shouldn’t take their conversations seriously. And especially that i should not over hear their conversations.
As I entered my seventh month, we planned to return to our hometown for delivery and maternity leave. We wanted to book tickets on a weekend, but she insisted we book on the date she chose. After arriving, I went to my parents’ house for my mental peace, while my husband stayed with his parents. I asked him to visit me every weekend, but his mother kept making excuses, arranging last‑minute plans, and even asking him to hide things from me.
Now, in my eighth month, she is forcing him to accompany his brother on a 15–20 day work trip, even though his brother is an adult over 25 and perfectly capable of handling himself. She guilt‑trips my husband, saying as the elder son he must prioritize family. I feel strongly that he should stay in the same city as my due date approaches.
She also insists on tagging along for hospital visits, even entering the consultation room despite my request for privacy. She asks inappropriate personal questions to the doctor, like whether I have stretch marks, and constantly complains about the hospital being “money‑minded,” even though I am the one paying all the medical expenses. In general, my husband only contributes to groceries and rent and my expenses are entirely handled by me, in fact I used to pay him half the rent and stopped after realising that he sends a huge sum of money to his parents on a monthly and quarterly basis, despite my salary being much lower than his.
When the hospital staff called me for a blood test, my husband wanted to accompany me, but she pulled him away to share tea with her. Her controlling behavior, constant nagging, and complaints are straining my marriage. My parents and relatives think this is “normal” mother‑in‑law behavior and advise me to adjust, but I feel it is damaging our relationship. My husband is increasingly irritated with me, and even when he talks to me, the conversation revolves around his mother. And also I stopped contacting him much as my parents and relatives think he is getting suffered and pressurized in between me and his mother.
I feel the spark in our marriage is fading, and I don’t know how to deal with her behavior. Once my husband is at his parents’ house, she controls him completely, and it is harming our married life.