MOB/FOB feeling so hurt - is this reasonable?
Our daughter is having a wedding with just parents and siblings. Fine. Sad but that is what they want and we are not going to force them to do something they don’t want to do. We are writing them a check and they will do the planning. We have no involvement in any of that and have not been asked. As far as we know, we have a good, normal relationship. They are 25.
We told our daughter that we would like to have a dinner celebration in their honor. They told us that it had to be small, just family (aunts, uncles, first cousins). We asked about friends and were shut down. bride does not like husband’s parents and siblings - does not want them there so they are not invited. We are ok with it, but I do feel sad for my husband. The couple then told the groom’s family that they wanted to keep it small. His parents expressed desire to invite some friends. So they said ok - THEN came back to us and allowed us to invite a few couples. The groom has grandparents, aunts, uncles, first and second cousins invited, some on the list they don’t really like. We did not invite our cousins because they wanted to keep it small and we honored that. There are even 2 young children (maybe both toddlers) on the groom’s list. The groom’s list has 9 more people than ours. We are paying 100% for the party. The groom’s side knows they have more people on their list. No $ has been offered. We like them and are happy to host, money is not the issue, but the disparity leaves a bad taste in our mouth. This will be a fancy party. We think it is the bride and groom dictating the groom’s list, and not the parents. We want to add 3 people to our list (first cousins and dear family friend - I have no parents - they are representative of that role). Bride and groom throwing a fit! Don’t want us to add them. Saying list is agreed upon and final. They are also demanding approval of invite and menu. Like - do they think we’re going to serve peanut butter and jelly and have clowns?! We are humoring them in that aspect - sure you can help with the invitation and menu - the choices are minimal. We are feeling so disappointed and beaten upon. Seriously - you have a list that is uneven, you are inviting toddlers , and you are throwing a fit that we can’t invite first cousins and dear family friend?! And we are paying 100% for this dinner and 90% of the wedding - which will consist of just parents and siblings!?
We understand they want this to be their day, and they may desire to set boundaries. Thus far we have bitten our tongues but are at the point where we want to give them a piece of our mind. Are we being unreasonable for being upset at their behavior.? We think they are being inconsiderate and ungrateful. We’re not even excited to host the dinner at this point. Any perspective? Advice on how to express our displeasure?