I (23/F) have been dating the most wonderful guy (23/M), and we’ve been in a relationship for 3 years. We met and soon fell head over heels for each other. We’ve talked about careers, marriage, children and settling down together - so in both of our eyes, this was a very serious relationship.
However, both of us have our own mental health issues (him bulimia, and for me recurrent depression) which we were both very open and transparent about when we got together and while dating. I’ve helped him through tough patches with his bulimia, and he’s helped me through some of the tough patches that come with my depressive episodes. Despite his support however, it’s still been quite a battle to find a treatment regime and therapy that work well (and keep working over time) for me. At times I’ll admit it’s been stressful for both of us, but I always assumed that the level of stress that we were experiencing over each other’s mental health would be similar.
Recently, I’ve been going through a particularly rough patch, which resulted in me taking an overdose as an impulsive sort of suicide attempt. I know this is hard for anyone to deal with, but when I told my partner, he seemed to take the news well and was just glad to know I was okay.
Treatment wise, I ended up being kept in hospital for 4 days. During this time, I called my partner every day and whenever he was free he texted to check how I was. I thought he was being amazing and being so understanding of the situation. It went on like this for 3 days, until on the evening of the third day, he suddenly told me that he ‘can’t do this anymore’ over videocall. It took a while to clarify what he meant (ie. He wanted to fully break up), and given the situation I was understandably a bit overwhelmed. I questioned why, as we rarely fight and seem to have a great relationship. His response was that he was ‘too scared to lose’ me (talking about potential future suicide attempts), and because of the actual attempt itself, he said he had ‘lost all trust’ in me.
Obviously the words really hurt, but more than anything I’m just left very confused. I’ve always supported him through his battles, and he’s always supported me through mine. I know this is a very extreme and stressful situation, but dumping a partner whilst they are still hospitalised after a suicide attempt seems almost unbelievable.
I was very overwhelmed with everything which was going on, so I said we shouldn’t rush into rash decisions which have happened due to feelings arising in the last 24 hours. We agreed to go no-contact for a month while I get better and he can focus on what he wants. At the end of the month (in about 2.5 weeks now), we’ve agreed to meet in person to discuss what to do going forward.
I’m very confused, I understand that mental health is such a stressful thing to deal with, but at the same time I’m left feeling incredibly hurt that the person I love most in the world felt it was okay to abandon me at my absolute lowest moment.
Please help, what can I do going forwards? Could I try to make it work if it turns out that he is still interested in being together?