So I bought this land and we’ve started clearing it. I’ve been finding glass jars and bottles. I just don’t know if this stuff is worth anything or if anyone would want it? I’m gonna get better pictures and clean everything up. But this is just a couple pics I took.
Hello,
I have a few posts on here. Im married to my Q. We’re in our 20s. Something that’s on my mind is, if he stops drinking do all these behaviors just stop?
There’s been verbal, emotional, mental, and a couple times physical abuse.
I do drink on occasion, so I have been drunk before. But I have never done anything I hadn’t thought about you know?
Like alcohol lowers my inhibitions but I’m not a whole different person.
If someone is abusive when they drink, if they stop does it go away? Or is that something that is still there?
I have a fear that even if he stops drinking, that that side of him truly is a part of him and I could meet that version of him again. We’ve not lived together for months as he’s continued drinking. He’s apparently been sober a month (I don’t know that I believe that). Just a lot on my mind and looking for opinions
Is marriage counseling even worth it if your Q is still in active addiction? I was talking to some family and they’re pushing me to try it. But what I’m not understanding is how will they work on the marriage if they’re not working on their own issues that got us here in the first place?
I blew up on my Q, my husband tonight then left back to my parents where I’ve been living.
He’s been lying and manipulating me about how much he’s been drinking. I know deep down that he’s sick. He needs help. But I let my emotions get the best of me and was really mean.
It’s been going on for so long I’ve stopped recognizing me. Im not a mean person. I believe I was put on this earth to help people and that was not help tonight. It was my ugly feelings vomit.
God all I want for him is to get better. I know he’s sick. I know he’s hurting. And this isn’t an excuse, but he’s hurting me and our marriage too. I keep praying and sometimes I feel like God’s just watching me
How do you all keep your emotions in check with your Q? How do yall get through this? How do you not lose your freaking mind?
Sincerely,
An emotional mess of a wife
So I guess this may be a long story.
But I (25F) have a Q, my husband (24M).
It took us a long time to get to this place to get outpatient rehab. Two car accidents. The last one leaving him hospitalized for a week and non weight bearing for two months. He’s not drank since the accident.
He’s been drinking since he was 20, but I never knew to what extent until we got married. On his bachelor trip, he was hospitalized with a BAC of .378.
It was very scary as I was in a different state and couldn’t get to him. I chalked it up to going crazy on the trip.
It got progressively worse since we’ve been married. I left for a few days and stayed with my parents on a particularly bad night. But since then it’s progressed, just hidden. I would try to “catch him” with alcohol. Sometimes I could. Sometimes I was wrong and just anxious. Other times he was just a really good hider.
It got to the point where he was drinking on the way home from work.
When this most recent wreck happened, I didn’t know there was an accident for about 20 minutes. My anxiety thought “where is he? He should be home by now”
And I checked his location and drove there. What I pulled up to, was my worst nightmare. I didn’t know if he was alive. I convinced myself that the car wasn’t his. Until I walked up to the wreck, saw a red puddle, saw his shoe, and just collapsed in the grass.
I made him very aware that I wouldn’t be living with him for a while. I haven’t lived at my own home in almost a month. It was also made aware, that the chance of our relationship working out is contingent on him going to rehab. But I come home everyday, help him shower and make dinner because (as previously stated) he’s completely non-weight bearing and can’t physically do these things himself.
He’s finally healthy enough physically (still non weight bearing) to go to rehab. Well the rehab doesn’t want him to be inpatient anymore. It’s gotta be outpatient because he’s not detoxing anymore. It’s been at least 3 weeks without alcohol. So we will be going next week to meet with the people in the facility and get him signed up for classes and therapy.
He’s sweet, the boy that I signed up to marry. He’s my person again. But there’s a part of me that is so fearful. I haven’t been able to let myself relax. I still live with this anxiety. My body won’t relax. My thoughts race thinking “Is this real?” “Is he just doing the things I want him to be doing to keep me around?” “Does he genuinely see a problem and want to change?” I told him I’m giving him the chance to prove to me that he’s going to bring back the man I married and I mean that
I guess I’m just looking for support, I feel as though I’ve been annoying my friends with all of this. They’ve been a great support system. But I feel like crap having nothing good to add to conversations because this has become my life.
But
Has anyone’s Q had success with outpatient rehab?
Is there something I should be doing while he’s in the process?
I have considered AI Anon groups, but the idea really freaks me out for some reason.
Any recommendations for me?
And thank you for even reading this.