Do people with bpd usually “fall into love” with someone new quickly?
My now ex-wife and I first got together when I was 15 and she was 17. She had only been out of a year-long relationship for about a week or two before we started dating. At that point, I had never been with a girl before, and she was my first kiss. During the two months we were together, she constantly talked about how much she loved me, wanted to move in together, and wanted to be intimate. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she started talking to another guy at an event we were both attending. Around 1 a.m. that same night, she texted me saying she no longer wanted to be with me. About a month later, I saw on social media that she was dating that new guy, and it appeared they had actually started dating the same night she ended things with me.
About a year later, we ended up on a group trip together while her boyfriend at the time was not there. We spent a lot of time talking, and she opened up about how terrible he treated her and how unhappy he made her feel. Out of my own desire to be with her again, I somewhat encouraged her to leave him. The same day she broke up with him, we got back together, and within one day she was already telling me she loved me. Throughout the relationship, she was extremely obsessive and often manipulative, especially in the beginning. She seemed bothered that I was not as outwardly obsessed with her as she was with me, even though deep down I feel like I genuinely loved her more.
Fast forward three years, and we got married those same things she had said early in our relationship were still present. Her wanting me to always be with her never hanging out with friends, always being all over her, showering her in validation etc. this is what supposedly caused the break up. We had been married for about a year when she suddenly ended the relationship. That same day, I discovered she was already talking intimately with another guy — saying “I love you,” sending sexual messages, and emotionally attaching herself to him almost immediately. What stands out to me is that this new guy is even younger than I was when we first got together. He had just turned 18 and was still a senior in high school while she is 21. I know of him somewhat, and he seems like the type of person who has very little relationship experience, very few friends, and would become attached quickly. Looking back, it feels like she may intentionally gravitate toward people who are inexperienced, emotionally vulnerable, and likely to fall for her fast — which is exactly what happened to me.
Curious as well if the younger/ less experienced guys are usually targeted by people with bpd because they become infatuated with being loved in that way by an attractive girl easier.
Even knowing all of this, I still feel like I love her more than anything and want to be with her. At the same time, my mind is telling me that none of this is healthy or how a relationship is supposed to function. Because of that conflict between my emotions and my logic, I feel like what I am experiencing may be more of a trauma bond than genuine love. Idk I guess the point of my post is to try and make myself feel better and curious if these traits align with just who she is as a person and won’t be able to find love because she’ll continue sabotaging it. It’s worth noting that I was her longest relationship and to be honest our relationship lasted as long as it did because whenever she would try and leave I would shower her in everything she wanted, obsession, validation, etc. then after I couldn’t uphold that constant 100% effection towards her she would start accusing me of not loving her so it was a terrible feeling constantly.