Ethics and Addiction
I was invited here from subs that deal with the ethics of porn and the broader damaging impact of porn on society, however I’d love to offer my perspective if it can be of any help.
I’m glad to see that the prevailing opinion here is that pornography is addictive and that compulsive use is an addiction. I myself am a drug addict in recovery. I’m also a nurse and have faced various mental health issues throughout my life.
Addiction
It’s worth considering that though pornography is addictive just as substances are addictive the mechanism of reinforcement that leads to these addictions are distinct. Addiction to substances is formed through positive reinforcement, hence over time the brain will seek more of the same stimuli (drug) to get the same reward. Pornography addiction on the other hand is formed through novelty reinforcement, hence overtime the brain will seek new or novel stimuli in order to get the same reward.
Over time this will result in addicts seeking out more and more extreme, fringe, niche, in a word novel pornography. This has serious implications on the personal, social, and societal levels.
Personal
Addicts may find themselves behaving in ways that do not align with their previous self conception. In their quest for novel stimuli their attraction may begin to shift toward things that don’t align with their previous understanding of their sexuality, they may even find themselves attracted to things they previously found distasteful or even highly objectionable.
This increasing cognitive dissonance can result in a shame/guilt cycle, paradoxically driving the addict deeper into addiction.
Social
The repetitive viewing of increasingly extreme pornography can have an isolating effect. Guilt and shame over sexuality that has morphed into something considered far outside of the societal “norm” can serve to disconnect one from peers and society, especially from support in dealing with problems surrounding sexuality for fear of rejection/public shaming.
Chances of having gratifying sexual experiences outside the use of pornography diminish as the brain demands an overwhelming amount of sexual stimulation in order to have a normal sexual response. This will disconnect addicts from genuine sexual connections further isolating the individual.
Societal
Women are often the side most dealing with the effects of the wide spread desensitization toward extreme sexual content. Pornography serving as sex education changes beliefs around sex, power, equality etc. Men may carry out extreme or debasing acts within real life sexual relationships in order to achieve the same level of stimulation provided by pornography. I will discuss social implications further within a discussion of ethics.
There are many ways to overcome an addiction, there are also many things that definitely don’t help. Reinforcing shame, gamifying recovery, relying on force of will, attempting change in isolation, all are terrible methods.
Shame keeps people trapped in cycles of addiction, you are not a cuck for watching pornography. I did not dive deep into your sub but I saw those words. It’s ironic that this framing was used because the labeling itself clearly stems from an overconsumption of fetish pornography. Cuckoldry also has troubling implications concerning the ownership of women. Self improvement and healing ought not be filtered through the lens of reestablishing male dominance, and no one should encourage feelings of humiliation for having an addiction.
If you are gamifying recovery in that you are under the belief that quitting pornography is the key to unlocking a latent well of vitality, coupling it to withholding masturbation in an attempt enhance discipline or competitiveness or any number of things, you may be distracting yourself from the issue at hand. Beliefs that recovery and healing will bring with them immediate radical changes in your well being is setting yourself up for failure. Reconsidering your relationship to pornography is the first step in a long journey that may at its ends bring you countless benefits, but much of the work is internal, painful, vulnerable, and personal.
Recovery from any addiction has nothing to do with willpower. This has been understood since the disease model of addiction replaced the idea of addiction as a personal moral failing. Ideas of self reliance, will power, and self discipline, though attractive often fail to combat addiction directly, though they work well as an adjunct when applied to other areas of life during recovery, as when focusing on building new routines, focusing on physical mental social and spiritual health.
Shame guilt and addiction thrive in darkness. Like willpower I know it is an attractive concept that one can “fix themselves” and overcome their issues on their own. Our society fetishes self-reliance while at the same time stigmatizing sex and addiction. Discussing the immediate problem of pornography addiction in communities like these is surely helpful. But a lot of addiction treatment is focused on what surrounds the addiction. What negative feelings do you use the addiction to combat? How can you rely on others to help you with those feelings instead of relying on yourself alone with your faulty tools that have stopped working.
The first is free
Please give yourself grace. I understand that today most people here seeking change were exposed to pornography as children. Whether you choose to believe it or not, I offer you the perspective that this is a form of childhood sexual abuse. I’m not suggesting the person in your life who gave you access to the internet is an abuser, rather our entire society has been criminally negligent in its lack of care to protect children from exposure to explicit sexual material at young ages.
You did not choose to be exposed. Even if you sought out pornography as a child you lacked the capacity to make this choice. Many as well have faced sexual predation online as children. We know that those who are exposed to addictive substances at a young age a more likely to become addicted and have a harder time recovering. We also know that childhood trauma which is not in the traumatic event but the wound caused by the event, demands attention healing. The acknowledgment of past trauma does not excuse present behavior, but it does give you a key to understanding it and changing it. The child that was exposed to pornography does not deserve to be shamed or punished, however the adult is now must take responsibility for how they deal with their past.
Ethics
A crucial part of changing your relationship to pornography must be an examination of the ethical violations contained therein. Pornography is at its mildest, the consumption, post objectification, of persons. People are reduced to a body in its sexual function, and consumed as a product. This product is inessential, therefore its existence is based solely on profit and not to satisfy a need.
It cannot be argued that pornography has served to benefit the lives of those being consumed. For every woman who is touted as having found financial liberation through pornography there exist thousands more who have been harmed by the institution. Pornography continues to create a growing demand which demands to be filled. Women who fill this demand have very little negotiating power often having arrived at sex work as a last resort, having been stripped of the ability to work in other fields, being seen as highly disposable, and working within an industry that is hardly regulated. As sex work becomes democratized through platforms like OnlyFans, what women gain in control they loose in share of the market and stability, often coming out the other side facing severe social consequences.
Much of the “amateur” pornography that exists on the internet is the result of a crime or a crime in and of itself. Sextortion, blackmail, revenge pornography, private videos made public without consent, are littered throughout the internet. The pieces of media you are consuming are potentially the sources of deep trauma for the individuals objectified and captured therein. As these pictures and videos are supplying a demand the abuse that creates them is perpetuated. Viewing this sex abuse material either wittingly or unwittingly directly leads to further abuse. Novelty seeking among pornography users at its extreme ends can support production of sex abuse material involving human trafficking, rape, and child abuse.
Past its immediate effects consider the effects on our social dynamics. One does not simply see people as objects half of the time. One doesn’t derive gratification from the repetitive humiliation and harm of an entire gender group without having their thoughts and behaviors altered in some way, consciously or unconsciously. You may be the exception. But pornography consumption props up an industry that is an active and significant driver of misogyny which I would consider of an extreme degree.
Adopting an active ethical stance against pornography that goes further than a personal desire to overcome addiction can seriously aid in your recovery and I consider it to be essential.
I hope this post has something to glean for you. I’ve written it with the best intentions. Best of luck to all on their journey.