I met a guy on an app by accident. I wasn’t even there to make friends, I was just messing around. But somehow we clicked instantly. It was the fastest I’ve ever connected with someone. We talked every single day, for hours. Conversations never got dry. It felt easy and natural.
At first, I didn’t even show him my face. We were just talking. But after a few weeks, I noticed he started opening my messages late or leaving me on unseen for 3–4 days. I assumed he was busy or didn’t use the app much. I didn’t want to lose contact, so I gave him my Snapchat.
On Snapchat, we started talking nonstop again. Full conversations, all day. He complimented me a lot. He would say things like:
“Tell me if anything I do hurts you.”
“Don’t keep things to yourself.”
So I felt safe being honest with him.
After that, (few months passed) I gave him my Instagram. We started sending reels back and forth constantly. And that’s when things became confusing again.
He would send me reels but not reply to my actual texts.
He would ignore my questions but still send another reel.
Sometimes he wouldn’t even view the reels I sent, but would send his own.
I confronted him multiple times. Every time, he’d apologize but never give a clear reason. He just said he was stressed. I told him that if something was bothering him, he could talk to me and if he didn’t want to, at least let me know so I wouldn’t sit there wondering what I did wrong.
After every confrontation, things would suddenly go back to normal again. He would reply properly, talk like before, and act like everything was fine and I would think it’s all fine now.
During this phase, he also started saying very emotional things:
“You’re better than me.”
“You’re always doing something new.”
“I’ve never met someone like you before.”
“You’re the sweetest girl I’ve ever met.”
“You give me peace.”
Every time he said things like that, I melted and believed he cared. So I kept forgiving the avoidant behavior and trying again.
Then he got a job. I didn’t expect him to text me all day anymore. I understood he’d be busy. I wasn’t asking for his entire day. I wasn’t asking to talk every single day. I just wanted him to respond when I asked something ..a simple reply. Instead, he started leaving me on seen or unseen for 18–20 hours. This went on for weeks.
What hurt was that when I confronted him, he would suddenly reply normally again for 2–3 days, as if he was magically not busy anymore. Then he’d go back to ignoring me. So it felt like he could reply he just didn’t unless I complained.
Once, when I got upset about him not responding again, he said:
“Okay, what’s wrong? Tell me everything I did wrong one by one.” It felt like he was asking for a grocery list. Like he was only saying sorry because I was upset, not because he actually cared. The apology felt empty.
I kept thinking:
Why was he treating me like this now, when he used to talk to me nonstop every day?
Why was I suddenly too much, when he was the one who said talking to me was fun when he had nothing else to do?
I wasn’t asking for long conversations.
I wasn’t asking for daily talks.
I just wanted him to respond instead of leaving me on seen.
When I finally told him how much effort I was putting in making excuses for him every day, telling myself “maybe he’s busy” he assumed I had romantic feelings for him. That hurt, because I wasn’t asking for attention because I liked him. I was asking because I thought this friendship mattered.
What hurt even more was when he said:
“It’s easy to be with you. I don’t have to put in effort.”
That broke something in me.
Eventually I stopped texting him. A week later, he came back acting confused, like nothing had happened. He kept sending me reels and liking my stories but wouldn’t actually talk. I would open them hours later and not reply.
When I deactivated Instagram, he asked if I blocked him. I keep wondering why that was his first assumption does he think he’s done something bad enough to deserve being blocked? He could’ve just asked if I deactivated.
He also told me:
“No one must have hurt you as much as I did.”
“You deserve better friends.”
“I push people away, I’m like this only.”
He never actually tried to change anything. He just explained why he was the way he was. And called himself an avoidant.
Even after I stopped talking properly, he kept sending me reels. After I deactivated Instagram, he started trying to start conversations on Snapchat replying to almost every snap I sent, even though I was being dry and distant. When I was begging for effort, he never really tried. But once I gave up and pulled away, that’s when he suddenly noticed.
It made me wonder if he only cared once I stopped being available. Maybe he took me for granted because I kept coming back and letting things go
Now I feel like I’ve built emotional walls. I don’t let new people get close. I regret being so open and vulnerable with someone who took me for granted. I should have known my worth and stopped talking earlier, but I kept giving him chances.
I don’t know if he’ll ever realize how much he hurt me. But I do know that I changed because of it, and that’s what hurts the most.
Was I overreacting?
Or was I emotionally breadcrumbed and slowly pushed away?