Recently fell in to a budding affair. Loooooonnnnggg ass post
Probably going to be a long line but I feel like i need to chat about it somewhere.
I’m 42 MM to similar aged wife. Married for 10 years together for just about 16 years. One child together under the age of 10. I have always been on Reddit with a regular an account but would dip my toes into the NSFW side for the cheap thrills to get off.
The relationship for a long time had been a bit of a dead bedroom (which was something I found existed thanks to Reddit.)
The last time she was truly affectionate and desiring sex and intimacy was when we were trying to a baby and that was 2017. After the kid came life went on I feel that we were generally happy. Never once really had the desire to cheat on her as she’s a stand out mother and we do have a very good comfortable life together.
Maybe about 5 years ago I was out a bar with friends and had a drunken car hookup with a random but that was a one time quickly thing and never went anywhere.
Fast forward a few years and my wife has become incredibly cold.
She absolutely hates any kind of physical touch or intimacy. Like if we are laying in bed it’s don’t touch me it grosses me out, if we are in the car driving together and I try and reach over and hold her thigh that’s a no. Kissing is a no. Like k legit don’t think we have kissed each other passionately in over 8 years.
Overall is sucks because my love language is very much rooted in physical anything and I get none of that from her.
We had a dog that passed away last year that was huge cuddler, and legit every night that dog would cuddle under my armpit and slept with us every night for 12..5 years when he died I really lost that dopamine from having something to snuggle with. Our kid likes to be held and night before bedtime and I enjoy that immensely as she’s getting older and not going to want that much longer. But my wife refuses to let me touch her.
Although we are not in a totally dead bedroom there isn’t much there. She never initiates sex. Like never. If we do, it goes down like my alarm goes off for work, I roll over and try and cuddle. Most days I will get shot down and it’s a small fight. Roughly about every 7-10 days she will be receptive and I get lucky by her letting me caress her breast and then it happens from there. But there is nothing fun there. I offer to go down on her (I enjoy eating pussy) and she usually turns it down. She will then pull me on top and its missionary till we finish. There is never any of the cuddles afterwards to enjoy the moment. Blowjobs are pretty much nonexistent, like maybe one shitty 30
Second one on my bday.
If we are in bed before night time she is very unreceptive to any kind of touch. She would rather doom scroll on her phone than engage me. Usually i will keep trying to touch and hold her just to piss her off because I’m so fed up in the moment.
I know that she def had body issues and in 16 years I have never once given her any kind of grief abut it. I’m 5’8 about 165 and in pretty decent shape. She is 5’6” and very much BBW/SSBBW type, she was always “big” but it was never an issue to me. Clearly after out kid was born she was continued to gain weight but I’ve never been the one to shame her for it.
About 3 years ago things really started to start sucking. We went on a vacation with a bunch of friends and some family. I had a great time. But still when we would get alone time kidless she was the same miserable person. One of the nights my mom offered to take our son to sleep over in her cabin so we could have a night out. And when we got back to our cabin it was the same miserable sex. That one again I had to practically beg for.
Over the course of the last few years I’ve have a a couple of dumb drunk bar makeout sessions with randoms but no affairs or anything like that.
At some point here a close friend of hers had gotten involved and was giving her shit for being so miserable that basically she should start fucking me and meeting my needs before I find it else where. I guess that stayed in the back of my head for a while then in stumbled back into Reddit
About 2 years ago I think I got to my breaking point and decided to make a 2nd Reddit account and started posting nudes to the internet. Let me tell you the attention was amazing. It felt great to be objectified left and right.
Personally I never thought I was the “hot” type. I’m just a regular dude, but thanks to Reddit I was this attractive quiet guy with an amazing big dick.
We were in Europe for a her sis’s wedding and since it was a destination wedding the bride had invited a handful of her friends whom were coupled up and all fucking week I had to watch these people enjoy themselves selves with their person. I’m talking from the lesbian couple, to one that was kid free for the week, and the other who had their boys with them (but still made time to be affectionate). Fast forward to the wedding night. There was child care set up for the kiddos (as ours was in the wedding party, and we got back to our room to get the kid changed for the sitters, we are there alone for the first time a few days and we ended up getting into one of our biggest fights over sex. I was very hurt, mad upset that she wouldn’t even indulge the idea of having some fun sex at a wedding. It ended up being a huge blowout where she was like I ruined the vacation and memories of the day because I wanted sex.
Needless to say the rest of the vacation sucked.
A couple of days later in different hotel and country her parents took the kid so we could have an alone night. And once we got back from sightseeing and dinner. We showered, I got in bed before her naked then she crawled in to bed and it was the same horrible dynamic. After a small fight we basically had the same shitty duty sex where we she lays there.
When we got back home I went full bore into finding something on Reddit.
Weirdly the amount of DMs from women and then gay dudes was wild.
I did end up meeting a local woman whom was a few years older and also married. We chatted for several months and hooked up a few times, but it just wasn’t the right fit for me. I never thought I was super great or anything in bed but she enjoyed the hell out of it and it was def a confidence booster in that dept.
I kept posting in various subreddits and built up a decent karma on this account for a few more months. Still at home with was much of the same. Barely any sex, zero affection, just get up go to work come home and pay bills and raise the kiddo.
Last year was our 10 year anniversary and we went away for a short cruise vacation. Night one in Miami was ok till we got home from dinner after traveling. Had this fancy hotel and ended up getting into a fight about having sex together. We did have the usually she’s just lays there sex and that was that. A few days later on the boat after still not having sex we ended up getting in a huge fight. Much like the one the year before. And she admitted that she hates physical contact and wonders why we are still together. It was a hard convo and I guess we got through it and ended up having sex but when we do it’s seems very transactional. Which sucks.
Sometime last fall I ended up running into an old friend of mine from childhood (whom I’ve been friends with continuously) we were out at a bar and something came up and I gave her my phone and was like scroll though my hidden album of pics. She was very much intrigued and wanted some of this. We ended up taking and sexting for a while and hooked up a few times and it was pretty fucking awesome. We talked about my wife and her half joking serious response was your wife needs a wake up call. She had a good looking husband that works all the time, gives her a good life and she can’t even attempt to fuck me.
I kept this up for a few more months as she was single and totally on board with being the side chick, because “the dick I was giving her was that good.” We still talk and are super friendly but we haven’t hooked up since the winter.
So since then it’s been in the back of my head of what the fuck am I going to do with my life. I do love my wife but I’m sick of having a roommate that is a great mother.
About a month ago I was out with some friends and ran into to women that were good friends with my college ex gf. Haven’t really seen them in forever but have been friends on social media since the early 2000s so not like we are strangers. We get to talking and the other friend was saying that they had gotten divorced and had been single for a bit. That turned to flirting and sharing photos of each other in the bar. We ended up texting after I left and ended up back in the parking lot and probably had the best sex I’ve had in years with her in my car. Since then we have been chatting and sexting constantly and overall reconnecting.
We ended up meeting up again a few weeks after and hooking up and it was wonderful. We were talking recently and we both understand the situationship that we are in. But it’s def NRE and there are the butterflies when we chat during the day at work and occasionally when I’m home.
As I try not to make to much contact when I’m home as I don’t need that notice popping up on my phone of a missed message from her.
In all these years my wife has never had any suspicion to believe that I was ever doing anything. My very best friend half seriously joke with my that my wife is a miserable ball breaking person to be with. And how the hell am I still with her. As she stalks my location on find my friends so I really can’t hide shit for her.
The new person is fun, we flirt, I enjoy seeing her messages , plus the banter back and forth is something I haven’t felt in over a decade. I stumbled upon this subreddit and for better or worse have def validated a lot of my feelings about this potential affair. My AP is in board as we were talking about friends we have it’s like everyone in their mid 40s is miserable, getting divorced , or staying married with someone on the side to get needs met.
I guess in the end I do very much love my wife. But I’m fucking done being miserable. I have thought about splitting but it would probably be to messy with the kid and I would be broken hearted to lose him and I know that wife would fill his head with crap about me as she always throws small daggers here and there at me.
So yeah. That’s my story.