Dealing with different parental risk tolerances.
Hi folks
I’m looking for some outside perspective on a recurring conflict between my husband and myself regarding the safety and supervision of our 2-year-old toddler.
Lately, I’ve been feeling incredibly dissatisfied with his level of childcare.
When I bring up my concerns, he tells me that I’m overreacting. Or he should not have told me something because i overreact. Very rarely (read once), he sincerely admitted lapse in judgement. Most of the times he would either dismiss my concerns or just ignore what i am saying.
Because this happens so consistently, I’m starting to feel gaslit and find myself questioning my own judgment.
I want to list a few specific examples of things he has done recently that I consider to be unsafe, and I would love an honest gut-check on whether my concerns are valid.
1. He will sometimes walk two steps ahead of our toddler on walkways/sidewalks/parks instead of next to or behind him where he can see him and react quickly.
He once fed our toddler a whole coffee bean.
He has left our toddler in our driveway buckled into his car seat, or strapped into his stroller, to run inside the house for a minute to grab something.
He's often distracted while watching our toddler at parks/ balance bike on local trails.
For eg. my husband will spend up to an hour on FaceTime showing him to extended family, rather than keeping his full attention on active supervision.
- He has left his medications (open medication without container that he was supposed to have but forgot on counter) out on the counter a couple of times within reach.
6. He would lets our toddler run around the park while holding a thick stick in his hand which i feel can cause injuries on face if he ends up falling on it.
- Leaving the front door open to get some package etc. while our toddler runs to follow him and risk pinching his fingers in the door (we have automatic door closer that toddler has tried to stop from closing many times)
To me, these feel like basic safety and supervision lapses for a fast-moving 2-year-old. To him, I'm blowing things out of proportion and bring overly anxious.
How do you handle it when partners have completely different risk tolerances?
Thanks in advance.