Borderline ? PN ?
I need outside opinions on an extremely toxic and confusing situation I went through over the last few months.
People involved:
Me: M39
Recent ex: F43
Long-term ex: F34
My brother: M
At the beginning of November, my recent ex told me she was pregnant and claimed conception happened around October 18th.
A few days earlier, I had broken up with her because I told her I still had feelings for my long-term ex. My recent ex already knew a lot about my past with my long-term ex, including previous abortions, jealousy issues, and personal childhood trauma I had shared with her during the relationship.
Very soon after announcing the pregnancy, my recent ex contacted my family and my long-term ex without telling me, to announce the pregnancy. She also started sharing very intimate details about me with my family, often twisting or mixing different elements.
She told my family that I didn’t want the baby because I was depressed because of my long-term ex and my past.
My brother was shocked by what she told him and contacted my long-term ex. That is how my long-term ex found out I was supposedly going to be a father.
During the relationship, my recent ex also told me many heavy things about her own past: that her ex was a narcissistic abuser, that her mother used to hit her, and that she no longer spoke to her sisters.
I also started noticing strange behavior. For example, when I went out with friends, she claimed she had been assaulted by two young men. She also contacted my friends to ask whether I could be a good husband or father.
On November 6th, we went together to a gynecologist. The doctor asked me directly if I wanted the baby. I said no. My recent ex then had an ultrasound alone in another room. When the doctor came out, he said he couldn’t clearly see whether there was a gestational sac.
She later went back to the gynecologist without me and said he told her to go to the maternity ward because their machines were better and she might have an ectopic pregnancy.
Her story about the gynecologist later changed. First she said he had retired the following week, then in January she said he had actually gone on vacation.
On November 12th, she came to my apartment and told me she had received blood test results saying she had HIV. She then demanded I confess whether I had cheated on her.
I panicked and wanted to get tested immediately. At that exact moment, my long-term ex appeared outside my apartment. Both women became angry at me. Eventually, my recent ex admitted she did not have HIV and had only said that “to make me talk.”
After that, she renamed me “Monster” in her phone and asked me to throw away the last belongings of my long-term ex that were still at my place.
On November 19th, she claimed she had gone to the maternity ward for an ultrasound, saw the fetus on a screen, and spoke emotionally about it with the taxi driver who took her home.
Around the same time, my long-term ex started calling people around me, telling them I was going to be a father and asking strange questions about me.
On November 23rd, I received a call from my recent ex’s therapist, who specialized in toxic relationships. Ironically, it was a therapist I had originally wanted to see myself, but my recent ex found out and started seeing her instead.
The therapist told me I needed to be clear about my choices. I said I did not want a relationship or the baby. My recent ex then hung up and insulted the therapist. The therapist told me my recent ex was unable to accept my “no.”
Later, my recent ex showed several people a screenshot of an anonymous Instagram death threat saying someone would cut her stomach open. She claimed it came from my long-term ex. I said I didn’t believe that. She sent the screenshot to my brother, my father, and me, but deleted it a few hours later.
On November 29th, I was out dancing with friends. One friend told me my recent ex had called her and told her about the pregnancy. I explained my side and said I found it very strange that my recent ex was contacting my whole circle.
A few minutes later, my recent ex called me asking where I was and what I was wearing. I asked where she was. She eventually said she was at the hospital and that a friend had taken her there. I felt trapped by the situation and blocked her.
According to her, from November 29th onward she was hospitalized in psychiatric care for dissociation and depression.
I was already seeing a therapist and had decided to cut contact with her. But a few days later, my brother called me while he was with her at the hospital. She asked me to visit her, and I agreed.
When I saw her at the hospital, she seemed in a strange state. She asked me to bring her a T-shirt with my smell on it and to stay in contact with her until she got out.
She was very demanding of my presence. She also told me she had contacted her narcissistic ex to warn him I might try to contact him. I told her I would never do that and didn’t understand why she would contact someone she described as abusive. She replied: “What if I didn’t call him?” I told her that lying about that would be even stranger.
She asked me to come with her the next day to the maternity ward for another ultrasound. I refused.
On December 5th, she allegedly had a miscarriage.
She then disappeared for several days.
On December 11th, she contacted me again and said she was in the hospital and had been admitted to a psychiatric facility. She wanted to come see me. I accepted. When she arrived, we got into bed, and she told me she was going to sue me to make me recognize paternity. We then slept together. Afterward, she told me she had miscarried on December 5th and had a stroke on December 6th. Later, she changed the stroke story to an eye occlusion.
On December 12th, I broke up with her again after she went through my phone and became paranoid about an innocent conversation with a female friend. She also used a fake profile and fake name to contact that friend and ask whether she had a relationship with me.
From that point on, things became even darker.
My recent ex told people around me, including my long-term ex, that I was a narcissistic abuser. She stayed in contact with my brother and kept putting me down to him, sharing private conversations where I looked confused and emotionally overwhelmed.
Between December 14th and 26th, my recent ex called both me and my long-term ex late at night from hidden numbers.
She left me a voice message saying she had cremated “our baby” in a cemetery with her father present to support her.
Later, she gave contradictory versions about whether her father was with her during Christmas.
On December 26th, she invited me to her place. She insulted my long-term ex, calling her dangerous and saying she wanted the baby dead. She also claimed my brother was trying to seduce her.
She asked me to sleep next to her, and we slept together. Right after that, my long-term ex called her. My recent ex then took a nude photo of me without my consent and threatened to send it to my long-term ex if I did not cooperate.
A few days later, she came to my apartment unannounced and rang repeatedly. I refused to let her in and told her I would call the police if she continued. She threatened to send the nude photo if I didn’t open the door. She eventually sent it.
My long-term ex then created a WhatsApp group with the three of us and mocked me. When I called her crying, asking her to stop and support me, she laughed. I told her I was going to file a police report. She immediately told my recent ex.
From then on, my long-term ex and recent ex shared my messages and reactions with each other. My long-term ex even gave my recent ex names of women in my life she should “watch out for.”
Every time I tried to warn my long-term ex that my recent ex was hurting and manipulating me, she sided with my recent ex.
In January, my recent ex continued sending mixed messages. She told me I had to “prove myself,” sent me screenshots of conversations with other men, and later contacted me with details she could only have learned from my long-term ex.
On January 18th, my recent ex invited me to her place to discuss the relationship. She told me not to confirm by WhatsApp but to call instead. On my way there, I still sent a message confirming I was coming. When I arrived, police officers were waiting outside. She had told them I was coming to hurt her.
After checking our phones, they let me go.
Months later, I learned she had been on the phone with my long-term ex right before inviting me. She had also called my brother that day, saying she was scared of me.
The next day, she told someone I knew that I was a “baby killer.”
In private, she insulted me constantly, saying I was not good enough, not a real man, a piece of trash, a monster, and a bum.
A few days later, I attempted suicide. When I told my long-term ex, she laughed and didn’t believe me. I kept trying to explain that my recent ex was manipulating everyone, but my long-term ex kept sharing everything with her.
I changed my phone number, but my long-term ex gave the new number to my recent ex.
In February, I asked for proof of the pregnancy. My recent ex sent me a “view once” document showing an HCG level, but I never received any clear proof, ultrasound, or medical document I could verify.
On the day my grandmother died, I told my recent ex. She didn’t believe me and asked for my location and a photo of me with my mother. I sent it. She replied that “we both lost someone,” comparing my grandmother’s death to the fetus.
Later, my recent ex told me she was scared of my long-term ex and claimed my long-term ex wanted to hit me and kidnap my cat. I began realizing she was probably lying about both sides.
I recorded a conversation where my recent ex said my long-term ex was dangerous and that I should not tell my therapist they had planned to hit me in a club.
Soon after, I saw my long-term ex posting publicly about me, calling me a narcissistic abuser. I understood that my recent ex had likely turned her against me.
Weeks later, I saw a story of both women together, saying they were allies, pretending to kiss and giving me the middle finger.
In March, my recent ex sent me a message saying: “90 days since I lost my baby. You are a monster.”
She said she knew I had told my long-term ex I loved her, because my long-term ex had told her everything. She also sent me photos of a man she was seeing.
I tried to calm things down and offered to go to the cemetery with her, since she had claimed she had cremated the fetus there. She refused but said she would see me if I took her to a restaurant, planned an activity, and got tested for STDs.
Later, she and my long-term ex went to my brother’s place. They used my brother’s phone to look through my Instagram contacts and “investigate” me. My recent ex insulted me in front of both of them.
I later tested positive for gonorrhea and told her. She insulted me, called me disgusting, and gave me the silent treatment for days. When I went to check on her, she insulted me again and showed me that she had renamed me “Gonorrhea” in her phone.
We were supposed to see a couples therapist, but she refused, calling me dirty and a narcissistic abuser.
Eventually, I told my brother everything. He started realizing my recent ex had manipulated him too, though he still had doubts about me at first. Later, during a family discussion, he admitted he had cut contact with her and blocked her.
On April 6th, I wrote to my recent ex explaining everything she had done to me. She replied that if I continued “stalking” her, her colleagues, the men she was seeing, or her friends, she would file a complaint.
I blocked her and cut all contact.
On April 25th, I crossed paths with my recent ex and my long-term ex. My recent ex insulted me. I ignored her at first, but later she noticed I was wearing a necklace she had given me. She brought it up and then pushed me against a barrier outside a club.
Afterward, I messaged both women. My recent ex accused me of writing to both of them at the same time.
The next day, my long-term ex and I spoke, and I tried again to explain the manipulation. My recent ex sent me a voice message saying my friends thought she had invented the pregnancy, then ended by saying she had spent the night kissing “a real man.” Then she blocked me.
I filed a second police report on April 27th. During that report, I found out my recent ex had never filed any complaint about the Instagram death threat, despite claiming she had.
I also contacted the cemetery where she said she had cremated the fetus. They confirmed there was no record of any fetal cremation there.
So far, I never received clear proof of the pregnancy, apart from a “view once” HCG document.
She has not contacted me for about two weeks. Her last message was basically to tell me she had kissed a muscular man in front of everyone.
My brother now believes she manipulated me and my family, but my long-term ex still refuses to hear my side.
My questions are:
Does this sound like manipulation/emotional abuse?