My boyfriend is unemployed and addicted to video games/energy drinks and it’s draining me 27f - 28m
Hey Reddit, I (27F) started dating my bf (28M) in October of last year and he moved in with me in my apartment in early April, it’s important to say he did move country to be with me (on his initiative as he did not want to be long distance), I drove 36 hours all in all to pick him and his things up. We met on a game that we play together so I already knew that he is a gamer and I am too so I thought perfect we have the same hobby! Turns out we do it as very different intensities. I currently work 8 hours a day on alternating shifts either day or evening, at the same time I am studying for an engineering degree, so my schedule is swamped. I get support from my country every week because I have diagnosed autism and anxiety (agoraphobia) so I am to say the least under quite a bit of pressure at the moment. His situation is that he has been unemployed for 2 years, he says he is actively looking but ofc the search didn’t get easier when moving to a new country and I fully understand that when he moved here that I would be the only income. However, we discussed early on that this meant he should take on majority housework, because I simply don’t have enough hours in the day. Here is where the issue lies, and I feel myself growing resentful, he plays videogames all day drinks up to 3-4 energy drinks if I don’t stop him, he leaves dishes for 3-4 days before doing them, the laundry baskets are overflowing and he only does it when I start hinting that I’m lacking clothing to wear. When I bring it up with him he gets shameful and frustrated, say he will do better but the pattern persists. We can’t even play video games together anymore either because he gets so angry and straight up hateful to people online, and I can just feel my respect for him slowly fading away… On top of this, he is complaining that I don’t give him enough on the intimacy front, I am trying my best through the stress, but he still gets sexually frustrated, which triggers me since I’ve been abused in the past with that as an excuse. So my willingness to be intimate is also disappearing. I don’t know how to talk with him about these things anymore as his response is often “do you just want me to leave then” “do you hate me” and so on :/ So if anyone has any advice I really need it, I’m not looking for “just leave him” because I’m not at that point yet, I’d love to fix what’s happening but I’m simply at a loss :/
TLDR: How do I talk to my boyfriend about my feelings on his clear addiction?
Thank you in advance 🙏🏻