I'm so sorry بجد ع اللي هتسمعوه بس دي المرة المليون و واحد تقريبا اللي امي تقولي فيها
*شخاكِ زي قلوط الخرا* عشان عملت شيئ و ربي لا يمت لها بأي صلة و لا في اذى لها بأي شكل بس مش على مزاجها . والحوار عشان طفح مجرد اكل حرفيا مروحتش زنيت يعني سوري بجد على دا و لكن كنت هموت لو مفضفضتش
1.So as u read in the title above, i fuckin' hate my fuckin' self so much, 23 yo still not gradueted yet from college (1 year left) cuz i joined college 2 years late than my classmates due to severe depression
(My relatives destroyed my life and my mental health even more calling me a failure "هتبقي عبرة للناس كلهم","كل اللي قدك خلصوا ثانوية الا انتِ يا فاشلة" و انا اللي اقول هتبقي دكتورة و بلا بلا بلا (عشان كنت طول عمري دحيحة بس على حظي جالي اكتئاب شديد فشخ قبل بداية تالتة ثانوي )
And i hated all of them for that , instead of comforting me as a fuckin' sane relatives they make it worse
So i see myself as an academic failure and i feel so fuckin' bad abt these TWO years
2.i have ADHD , CBPD , OCD , PTSD , GENERAL ANXIETY (it's not a self diagnosis, i've been diagnosed from more than 10 psychiatrist and therapists from 2021 till now)
And no rn i'm unemployed and we can't afford paying for therapy sessions at the moment
But cuz of adhd especially and cbpd my life is a mess , i'm so fuckin' ambitious i need to continue learning French and Japanese i'm a B2 at english
But i'm obsessed with learning languages but i feel like i'm paralyzed i can't do any fuckin' thing i can't even study for college nor attend lectures (the night before the exam i'll study the whole subject from scratch) but thx god i pass every time even with A+ sometimes but i'm not fuckin' happy with that , i don't like it at all to feel that much pressure on my exams nights anymore, i don't like to feel like a failure when I wanted to continue learning French and Japanese
But i feel like there's a block that prevents me from doing a shit abt it , i feel my value from my achievements and guess what? I can't even do any fuckin' thing cuz i feel like i can't start no matter how hard i tried, i wrote several posts abt this every month hoping someone will help me but no , it's the same uselessl advices every time , i even tried asking Gemini, chat gpt , deepseek , kimi , Manus...etc for help but it's the same fuckin' advice
I can't learn any skill cuz of adhd , i can't have a good relationships cuz of cbpd , i can't attend lectures cuz od adhd and ANXIETY i can't do presentation and be favoured by doctors cuz of anxiety as well
My life is a total mess right now. My family is broke as hell, they even count every bite I eat, and I’m constantly starving. I need to get back to my old job(call centre agent)in Cairo and escape this poverty. I’ve already tried running away before, but my health failed me and I had to come back to this suffocating, ultra-religious environment. I don’t even want to wear the hijab anymore. Everything about my life right now is the complete opposite of what I want.
I NEED UR HELP FR , I DUNNO WHAT TO DO ANYMORE
1.So as u read in the title above, i fuckin' hate my fuckin' self so much, 23 yo still not gradueted yet from college (1 year left) cuz i joined college 2 years late than my classmates due to severe depression
(My relatives destroyed my life and my mental health even more calling me a failure "هتبقي عبرة للناس كلهم","كل اللي ادك خلصوا ثانوية الا انتِ يا فاشلة" و انا اللي اقول هتبقي دكتورة و بلا بلا بلا (عشان كنت طول عمري دحيحة بس على حظي جالي اكتئاب شديد فشخ قبل بداية تالتة ثانوي )
And i hated all of them for that , instead of comforting me as a fuckin' sane relatives they make it worse
So i see myself as an academic failure and i feel so fuckin' bad abt these TWO years
2.i have ADHD , CBPD , OCD , PTSD , GENERAL ANXIETY (it's not a self diagnosis, i've been diagnosed from more than 10 psychiatrist and therapists from 2021 till now)
And no rn i'm unemployed and we can't afford paying for therapy sessions at the moment
But cuz of adhd especially and cbpd my life is a mess , i'm so fuckin' ambitious i need to continue learning French and Japanese i'm a B2 at english
But i'm obsessed with learning languages but i feel like i'm paralyzed i can't do any fuckin' thing i can't even study for college nor attend lectures (the night before the exam i'll study the whole subject from scratch) but thx god i pass every time even with A+ sometimes but i'm not fuckin' happy with that , i don't like it at all to feel that much pressure on my exams nights anymore, i don't like to feel like a failure when I wanted to continue learning French and Japanese
But i feel like there's a block that prevents me from doing a shit abt it , i feel my value from my achievements and guess what? I can't even do any fuckin' thing cuz i feel like i can't start no matter how hard i tried, i wrote several posts abt this every month hoping someone will help me but no , it's the same uselessl advices every time , i even tried asking Gemini, chat gpt , deepseek , kimi , Manus...etc for help but it's the same fuckin' advice
I can't learn any skill cuz of adhd , i can't have a good relationships cuz of cbpd , i can't attend lectures cuz od adhd and ANXIETY i can't do presentation and be favoured by doctors cuz of anxiety as well
My life is a total mess right now. My family is broke as hell, they even count every bite I eat, and I’m constantly starving. I need to get back to my old job(call centre agent)in Cairo and escape this poverty. I’ve already tried running away before, but my health failed me and I had to come back to this suffocating, ultra-religious environment. I don’t even want to wear the hijab anymore. Everything about my life right now is the complete opposite of what I want.
I NEED UR HELP FR , I DUNNO WHAT TO DO ANYMORE
1.So as u read in the title above, i fuckin' hate my fuckin' self so much, 23 yo still not gradueted yet from college (1 year left) cuz i joined college 2 years late than my classmates due to severe depression
(My relatives destroyed my life and my mental health even more calling me a failure "هتبقي عبرة للناس كلهم","كل اللي ادك خلصوا ثانوية الا انتِ يا فاشلة" و انا اللي اقول هتبقي دكتورة و بلا بلا بلا (عشان كنت طول عمري دحيحة بس على حظي جالي اكتئاب شديد فشخ قبل بداية تالتة ثانوي )
And i hated all of them for that , instead of comforting me as a fuckin' sane relatives they make it worse
So i see myself as an academic failure and i feel so fuckin' bad abt these TWO years
2.i have ADHD , CBPD , OCD , PTSD , GENERAL ANXIETY (it's not a self diagnosis, i've been diagnosed from more than 10 psychiatrist and therapists from 2021 till now)
And no rn i'm unemployed and we can't afford paying for therapy sessions at the moment
But cuz of adhd especially and cbpd my life is a mess , i'm so fuckin' ambitious i need to continue learning French and Japanese i'm a B2 at english
But i'm obsessed with learning languages but i feel like i'm paralyzed i can't do any fuckin' thing i can't even study for college nor attend lectures (the night before the exam i'll study the whole subject from scratch) but thx god i pass every time even with A+ sometimes but i'm not fuckin' happy with that , i don't like it at all to feel that much pressure on my exams nights anymore, i don't like to feel like a failure when I wanted to continue learning French and Japanese
But i feel like there's a block that prevents me from doing a shit abt it , i feel my value from my achievements and guess what? I can't even do any fuckin' thing cuz i feel like i can't start no matter how hard i tried, i wrote several posts abt this every month hoping someone will help me but no , it's the same uselessl advices every time , i even tried asking Gemini, chat gpt , deepseek , kimi , Manus...etc for help but it's the same fuckin' advice
I can't learn any skill cuz of adhd , i can't have a good relationships cuz of cbpd , i can't attend lectures cuz od adhd and ANXIETY i can't do presentation and be favoured by doctors cuz of anxiety as well
My life is a total mess right now. My family is broke as hell, they even count every bite I eat, and I’m constantly starving. I need to get back to my old job(call centre agent)in Cairo and escape this poverty. I’ve already tried running away before, but my health failed me and I had to come back to this suffocating, ultra-religious environment. I don’t even want to wear the hijab anymore. Everything about my life right now is the complete opposite of what I want.
I NEED UR HELP FR , I DUNNO WHAT TO DO ANYMORE