u/Ilostcontrol109

I don't think I'm trans enough because I find male clothings boring and no taste. But I also hate wearing skirts either. I also think some femme clothings are cute, but that makes me think that why not just be a gnc butch woman instead. I also do not fit into Binary trans man mold either. And I questioned my gender identity over 5 months now, but few 3 years ago I watched trans man related content on Youtube but I was transphobic and since I'm only 5'4 I cannot be a trans man and thought trans man isn't real. I still have my doubts being trans man is really being a man.
Before I questioned my gender, I also went through this shitty situation with a cis het guy who I met for three days, and this guy proposed to me for marriage and that for some reason traumatized me [and the guy was a total creep] to the point where I stopped a cycle over a month and I just hated being a woman. I cut my hair short 5 months ago for the first time in my life and I finally felt so handsome and good aabout myself but my body was looking pretty shit. I never liked or disliked my body it was more there to carry me on for the day.
I have been also very angry to other man and begin to feel Jealousy over other trans man who went through top and bottom surgery and look like a dude. Maybe it is that I want male privilege who god knows...But I also want to be born as a cis het man next life because I had enough life as a woman.

Am I hallucinating or does this make me less of a trans man?

Real advice pleas. thanks.

Is it normal to be Afraid of T and miss Estrogen? I'm scared to do t and I lowkey do not hate my female body so much but I hate my female voice and the fact that my boobs and my curves do not match my Masc face. And I don't even look pretty as a girl either. I could've gotten plastic surgery but I did not because I thought I was wasting time. I want to be muscular and man one day, and the next day I'm panicking about t and side effects, and the next day I'm bored as living as a woman and dissociating myself. Why the fuck is my gender preference fluctuating, am I fake trans?

And P.S for those who told me I'm not eating much,
I'm now eating well so thank you for your concern.
I try. And I have therapy soon.

How do I deal with it.
I also want to stop being trans because no one gives a fuck about me and my life.
I'm not going to be a real man if I have no penis, no sperm, and no male biology.

No woman will want a man with no ability to make kids and build a family like many Asian family do.

I have no access to trans healthcare like some privileged people do.

I have no support. And I'm resentful to everyone.
Fuck my life.

I just hate everything about my body being too female and being short. the only thing good about me is complaning all day in my tiny room and I don't even go out because of being misgendered, transphobia, and being Asian who is 5'4 - 5'3.
I wish I can just live as a woman but Idk how unless I fix my brain. I hate that I'm not white, and I'm ugly and I'm a trans person who will always be scrutinized by people.
I'm tired and no I do not have access to trans affirming care rn because I live with transphobic family.

I despise everyone and it is eating me up really bad rn to the point where I feel hopeless.

god is not fair and this world is not fair and my life is not fair at all it is shit.
HAHAHA

the title says it all.

I gave up dating woman because they will not want me because...well..

I don't have the male genitalia.

so...

Idk.

I kind of did. All I do is goon off to corn and what not.

I just watch anime and play games but that is pretty much it. I don't go outside LMAO

I decided to date my own oc and my anime Waifu lmao

This is too funny. Ha!

I'm done with dating and yay I feel so lonely and my stomach turns when cis het man dating...

Ha ha ha...

I never had sex in my whole life.

I just fucking do. I wish I was cis het man. Period. It will make my life so much easier. I'm considering to just live as woman because I have no choice. My mom is toxic and transphobic, and transphobia is everywhere now in US. I'm tired of this shit. I will just wish for next life that I will be born as cis het man. I wish I never had this bullshit. I will pray to whatever god out there that he make me cis het man in next fucking life since I tolerated this life as a woman. I hate being butch and I want to be man but whatever. I got no choice. Even though I live in blue state, it doesn't matter. My rights can be taken away in anytime. I will just suppress myself. My fucking Asian conservative family will never accept me and I will have to cut ties with them if I come out as trans. Fuck. I'm done man. I'm not biologically man, they will say. But whatever. I will do what they and this government asks me to do and I will shut up. I just want to be left alone at this point. so I will try my best to stay as woman. Any Advice.

I can never give the normal life that they wanted. I feel so sorry for my grandparents and even to my toxic mom. I feel sorry to everyone in my family because they have no idea that I'm trans masc Non - Binary person. I wish I was a cis het man. My family, especially my grandparents were always there when I needed them the most when I was living my life as a woman. But now, I cannot go back unless I get to change my brain or go to those "therapy" that I won't mention. When I become trans, I can never come out to them because they are deeply traditional Asian family who is also conservative Roman catholics [My grandparents] and I feel so sorry for them. I will have to cut ties with them. But I will get lonely and I will miss them a lot. Even my mom. Everyone in my family, I have to say my last goodbye to them. I'm in tears right now because I don't just have bad memory with them. I'm also pretty sure no woman will want a trans man with no penis and who is 5'4 or 3 and who is not even that attractive too. I will remain lonely but Idk man. I'm too exhausted. going to sleep my day through again because at least in my dreams I don't have to worry.

I just need to vent because I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed.

I’m pre-T and currently stuck in a situation where I can’t start T due to financial struggles and being unemployed. On top of the intense body dysphoria—especially around my hourglass waist and hips—I have scoliosis and have had two back surgeries. The chronic back pain makes it impossible to even work out or fix my posture to hide my silhouette.

Every time I look at myself or see other guys who naturally have broader shoulders or boxy frames without even trying, I feel a sickening amount of despair. I feel completely trapped in a body that feels wrong, and my physical health issues just make everything ten times harder. I can’t even leave my house most days because the anxiety and dysphoria are too much to handle.

I’m just so tired of pretending, tired of dealing with this pain, and tired of feeling like life dealt me the absolute worst hand. Just needed to scream this out into the void where people actually understand what this feels like.

I'm jobless, and I'm stuck with conservative jobs because that is the only one I could find. I have to survive being a woman and I hate it. I hate being Asian and being stuck in Asian communities and jobs that is conservative. I do not go outside because I'm scared of misgendered. I stay at home and do absolutely nothing other than eat, sleep, play games and do nothing. I'm a parasite to my mom [who will never accept me when I come out] and I hate everything in my life. I also will never be able to transition because all my supportive friends are too far from where I live. I feel isolated and cannot find job that will not treat me as a woman. At this point I might look for freelancing but that is shit because that won't pay me anything. I hate being trans. I absolutely hate it. I want to fix my brian to be a cis het woman but Idk. Fuck this world.

I'm East Asian and I'm not only depressed but also just feeling no sense of purpose lately. I see all these success stories of trans masc or trans man successfully transitioning and getting their top surgery and all and not being misgendered like they used to. But whenever I see those content, I feel hatred, contempt and jealousy over those people because my life is not in a good place right now, with unsupporting family and even in my workplace, I'm still considered as a woman with a short haircut. I don't know when I can even transition anymore, and my work is unstable. I did found a job, but I do not know what to do when I lose this one too or if it does not pay me well for me to save up and move out. I'm tired of being trans or trans masc, but this feeling of hopelessness is slowly burning my soul and is making me feel spiteful and hatred toward other trans people which is becoming an internalized transphobia and homophobia. I try to fight off these feelings, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do anymore. I guess I will never be trans in the first place or I'm just mistakening it and try my best to be a woman like I was born. I will never be a real man. I'm in the darkness right now and I need some kind of support and advice. Thanks.

I’m a more fem trans masc person. And yes I have an Asian Mom. Everytime she calls my old name I feel absolute shit. To the point where I feel numb to it. I dissociate myself and just imagine that is someone else like my fake sister. I know why she calls my old name and shit because I did not came out to her and I’m not planning to do so. But Idk everything seems like my fault and my own problem. And I feel so jealous and helpless right now because I see all those trans masc man living the best of their lives and with supportive parents but here I am living a double life while being outed as being a woman. God I hate my old female name to the point where I want to reset to that time where I chose that name because it was “presentable and easy to read” now. I feel less like a man.

First of all I'm sorry for asking a lot of questions and venting here in general.
But I heard that I will gain weight when I begin on t [which I have not done yet now]
and I don't want to gain weight and want to be slim.

But there is a problem. I mean food restrictions and work out I can do.

However I went through two back surgeries in span of 3 years and since I'm East Asian I have small frame and thin bone structure as well.

I do not know how to gain muscles and also not gain weight when I begin on t later in my life. Idk what to do anymore and I'm already getting tired with this.

should I give up and live as a woman or what should I do. thanks.

Am I still trans masc person when I did not had life long gender dysphoria and I recently found out that I was kind of trans masc who is also Bisexual Asian Boy/Man. I did not had gender dysphoria till two months ago, and I feel like I'm intruding this space. Maybe I was never trans at all when I hear from other trans man saying that they have been dealing with gender dysphoria when they were 6. Maybe all of this is caused by my internalized misogyny and my depression, Adhd and BPD. I need help and I'm really struggling with this. Am I still trans or not?

I hate venting here. I really do. I hate that I got no one, no friends and everything that supports and understands me and they are all those conservative east asian folks that are also often times older than I am.
I just got fired from my part-time job today, which was at a doctor's office.
I did not like working there, but at least it was giving me money.
But than I was fired today because "I was not their style."
I received couple hundreds of dollars because I was working there for two weeks.

Right now, I have short hair. I also dress pretty masculine and I was about to save up some money from my part-time job so I can get some money to move out from my mom's house and to use my part-time job experience to get a full time job so I finally can transition.

But now that plan is gone.

I won't even have money to cut my hair short, and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm already suffering from gender dysphoria, and I feel like God or whoever is out there telling me not to transition because I better live as "woman."

I don't want to grow my hair out, I want to cut my hair but I got no money and my mom does not support me and my dysphoria is only becoming worse day by day and I'm beyond hopeless.

I hate this life so fucking much and I want to just be born as a biological cis - het man the next life.

I wish I was tall. I wish I was tall. I wish I was tall.
I'm only 5'4 and I'm tired of trying to look like a man when I'm short as fuck compared to other cisgender man.
I wish for something that I cannot have, yet it is the only thing I can do.
No girls would date me and no one will even look at me as a man.
No one wants me.