r/TMPOC

TW: I mention SA but that’s not what this post is about

First time posting, hello. 👋
So, recently I think my last straw was reached with these “I’ve just had to shut everything out” people.
I work as support staff at a school and most of my coworkers are white. I’m also a part of a men’s support group for adult survivors of childhood SA where all of the other members are also white.
When it has come to topics about ICE raids, the files, and the ramping up or legal attacks on LGBT+ rights, I have just been feeling like a pendulum. I’ve had a coworker have the audacity to say it, followed by her crying about how many children ICE has saved. And other coworkers that pretend like they care and as if we’re cool despite me knowing full well that they voted for this admin. Even though it has become nauseatingly clear that I’m an exception to their bigotry, and their “I have a _____ friend so I can’t be _____”
That’s not the focus though, but it’s the build up. In my support group, I have tried multiple times to bring up how things happening sociopolitically have been impacting me as a survivor. Especially someone who experienced SA as a girl, and young woman. I’m feeling paralyzed, overwhelmed, terrified, and so many things. I can’t stop hearing those women screaming “they’re here, run inside, they’re here!” While blowing their whistles. I can’t go to bed at night without thinking about being dragged out and what would happen to me if I got detained and what danger my anatomy will put me in with those “officers.”
Each time I have shared this, there has been another member who says nothing except “I’ve just had to focus on my healing and have no idea what’s happening because I’ve just had to shut everything out.” And that’s it. He’s a white, gay man, conventionally attractive, and financially comfortable. And his also white partner apparently works with immigrant communities? I’ve been really irritated with him after he has been so gun ho about lying about us in front of directors and validating a therapist that has been nothing short of terrible to the group.

And then he comes back last week crying about being called a slur and how there are micro aggressions like stating “I’m disease free.” And because he’s HIV+, it’s so hard to be poly like that.

And I just felt nothing. I can objectively admit, that it is not okay to be called a slur, and it sucks to struggle to date over something that has had so much progress around it. But I couldn’t feel bad for him specifically. And I don’t know how to put it into words, but I’m very frustrated with him. My discrimination is too much for him and I have to stay up to date with things to be aware of what threats could be coming my way to my life and access to health care and he’s crying about a slur and not being able to find sex (he specified he was wanting to explore more sex, though I know being poly is more than sex)? Like am I not being sensitive enough? I don’t WANT to sit in his discrimination in part because he never sat with me. And I’m just so frustrated at him weaponizing this terrible therapist against us, and lying about us. I’m just so exhausted by these white people not caring or trying or doing any work at all. Especially white queer people that want to act all “enlightened,” because that’s how he is. And it’s just frustrating, and I am frustrated. And I’m trying really hard to come from a place of curiosity, and have this “healthy conflict” like we’re trying to do, but JFC am I just so closed off and pissed.
Am I being an asshole? Can other people put better words to what the fuck could be going on? Am I not thinking about myself enough? Too much? What have been your experiences if you wanna share?

white trans people really love to act like having a “nazi phase” and having been in nazi spaces is normal and a quirky mishap they can be ‘remorseful’ for while not actually taking the time to address and deconstruct their racism, anti-blackness, asian fetishization, etc.

white people will realize their minority status then somehow think that their marginalized or oppressed identity makes them exempt from being bigoted and from being privileged. people don’t tend to think of themselves as racist or bigoted, but living in societies where racism is extremely prevalent, whether it be systemic, social, or societal, etc, that they will still hold racist ideals or biases that they have to choose to dismantle and change.

discussions about transness always centre whiteness and the white cultural experience because white people have the position to see themselves as the default which pushes out bipoc voices and experiences whether they mean to or not. this is part of how white peoples still uphold racism without ‘being racist’, or thinking that they are.

it makes me think of how white trans people and white trans men will concretely assert how trans men have it easier… when that generalization is so incredibly white-centric and racist, not to mention being gender essentialist and radfem rhetoric etccc. like who are you to speak for all trans men and do oppression olympics… idek like

we can’t even be supported, included, and respected in what should be our own spaces that we share man. like why is it normal for them to have been in nazi spaces, ‘were’ racist, having edgy slur humour, etc. then relate and connect with each other about it like. and then think that poc will feel safe in this space at all???

all of this is so frustrating, sorry if this isn’t completely coherent or something, i’m just ranting i guess 😭

I love both POSE and the documentary that inspired it, Paris is Burning, but I do think it's weird that there's no mention of transmascs in either. I don't think it's a big deal, I'm glad black and brown transfems finally have some good representation, but it does make me wonder if transmascs just weren't in the ballroom scene back then

i know they’re gonna post in here regardless, but it gets annoying to come to a sub for us and still have to interact w white folks here. can we have a designated day for them to post here so that anyone who would rather not interact w white folks on this sub can avoid the sub on that day?

As a first gen college student and south asian trans guy who barely graduated undergrad (nearly dismissed from how many classes i failed), receiving my master’s acceptance email was SO relieving. My longterm goal is medical school & this program is tailored for pre-health students who need the academic boost, so it’ll be intense but worth it as a stepping stone to my final destination. I’m excited to get a second chance at school & prove to myself that I’m capable of success. I’m trying to get better at celebrating my accomplishments, hence this post, but also wanted to share bc I’m sure some of y’all have similar experiences & can understand where I’m coming from. This was also the only program I applied to, so I really lucked out

My scars are darker than my skin. 4 years post-op. I tried laser 2 years ago but it didn't make a big difference and I don't have money for never-ending sessions. So I contacted scar camouflage clinics.

One clinic told me they could do it but didn't know how many sessions it would require. Another told me it was completely impossible to do scar camouflaging on scars darker than surrounding skin.

The second told me my scars needed to be white. I may be lightskin, but I'm still black. I told her white scars don't generally happen on black people and have you done scar camouflaging on black people's scars? She insisted the clinic had done so but wasn't super convincing.

So with this conflicting information, I don't know if the first clinic is just tryna get my money knowing the treatment won't do much, or if the second just has no experience with non-white people.

You barely see photos of trans guys who have got this done. However, Miles McKenna and Noahwaybabe both had red scars before they got camouflage tattooing, so surely darker scars can be concealed??

Do you guys have any advice on this?

I'm kinda shy. I'm more of a let's hit the pub, go to the beach, relax in the park, hit the gym, throw a football around, kinda dude than a let's hit the club.

Where can I find people to hangout with that are transmasc here in NYC that doesn't surround drinking and/or drugs?

Starting T soon and need advice!

I'm planning to start Testosterone in June and I'm really excited but also a little worried! I am a black transmasc with locs and I've been growing out my hair for YEARS and it's down my back.

I'm worried about hair loss and how it's gonna affect my type of hair and especially bc if it falls out at the roots... I'm doomed😓

I like having long hair so I'm not looking to cut it.

So for anyone who's started T and has been on it for a while, what's been your experience with hair loss, and if you could give advice that'd be lovely!!!

(Also additional advice about testosterone in general is nice, I'm almost clueless on where to start 🙏)

i hate that racial fetishism is just as prevalent in queer communities as it is in the wider cishet world. i hate how yaoi effects the way people treat me as an japanese transmasc with a twinkish figure. whether they are aware of it or not, people have a preconceived idea of who i am, my personality, and my interests because i am japanese. i have severe csa trauma directly related to fetishism, and growing up i foolishly thought i would escape the rampant fetishism once i was in queer communities. i was wrong. it’s still here, just different. it’s hard to find queer bipoc community, both online and irl.

people don’t like talking about transmasc fetishization. people don’t like talking about racial fetishism. i know for a facttt that my experience of being fetishized for both my race and gender is relatable to other poc trans people, in one way or another bc white people have specific fetishes based in specific stereotypes depending on whatever race/ethnicity you are. it’s fucking weird and gross. i’m tired of watching white queers latching on and fetishizing the nearest, most marginalized identities they can find, and thinking they’re woke and inclusive for it. most of them won’t accept the fact that they have racism they still need to unlearn and fetishism is still systemic and racist.

Hello y'all, I wanted to ask!

I just graduated college and where I live there is barely any trans men of color, but I wonder if it's just a visibility thing. In the area, a lot of trans-related events are populated by white trans fems. There is a lot more happening in a neighboring city but I live in the capital of my state.

I'm going to be busy as I start a full-time job soon, but I really want to create some community IRL...not sure how, but it's a bit of a passion project.

Plus, I am curious about y'alls experiences with IRL spaces...

Thanks!

I spoke to my gyno last year about starting T. she was really supportive, gave me tons of resources, and told me to start ASAP because of the political climate.

I didn’t because of said political climate.

my goal isn’t necessarily to fully transition, but to feel more myself in my body, and to explore more of myself. I feel settled with who I am, but also like I might be something more. i think low-dose t could help with my mood, energy, and sense of wellbeing.

should I just go for it and start, because even if the supply chain gets messed, I would have done something?

Is it really silly to start something this big in this current world?

I'm a month and a week on T and i've more or less given them to myself other than the first 2-3 times i had my mother in law help because she's a nurse.

lately i've had issues with getting into the right headspace to do my injections. im not overly stressed about something other than wanting to graduate college on time. i've done the injection in front of my gf and had no issues. but for the most of the time i do it by myself in the bathroom.

i was in the bathroom earlier doing my same routine as always and it took me nearly 2 hours to be able to get it done (my mother in law did it).

i dont have issues or anything making me regret being on t, in fact i've loved the changes and everything.

have any of you guys dealt with this too? how did you get over it?

A Thread for casual discussion, random questions unrelated to transitioning, or whatever is taking up your headspace.

Let's chat!

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