u/lane03

So I live in the capital of my state in the South and ... it is full of white people. I've been to trans events, nightlife events, the LGBTQ center and it's all full of white people. I really am looking for community with QTBIPOC people because that's who I have always got along with. But I just feel lost because even non-LGBTQ things I am into are also very white dominated around here.

I don't really know what to do since this is my first time actually trying to make friends outside of college (I just graduated in May) so any advice or personal experience is much appreciated!

I'm really struggling with motivation right now. Having no external accountability is really impacting my studying. I have ADHD if that's relevant, but I just wanted to know how y'all kept going when you are the only source of studying that you have? It's just been hard because sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing.

Thanks!

I'm post top surgery but I'm looking at really cute outfits and matching underwear sets and oddly, it's making me feel kind of...jealous? I honestly still wear women's underwear because I hate the feeling men's underwear gives me and it doesn't make me dysphoric. I've always liked really cute patterns but wanted to know if any of y'all had any suggestions for bras/things to wear that are like bras? I like tight underclothing (sometimes for cosplays, I'll wear a faja/corset so I'm okay with that too!)

I knew I started passing when an elderly white woman started clutching her pursue and walking faster because I was behind her. At the same time, I started being followed in stores. Yet somehow when I'm in queer spaces, I get treated like I'm invisible because I live in a predominantly white area. But when it comes to talking about my identities to certain people, I get put on a pedestal. It's exhausting never being treated like a human.

Masculinity has been isolating enough. When I'm around other Latino men, I always feel out of place since I can't ever really get the hang of socializing as a man. Sometimes I feel like because I know I am always going to be defaulted into being "aggressive" or "dangerous", that I act extremely docile to make myself less of a target. It's like society automatically hyper-masculinizes me for being a visibly brown Latino man while the peers around me have grown with this since birth. It's pretty sad because I see how macho-ismo has seeped into our culture (Latinos/Mexicans).

But I know if I want to be safe, I have to play my part (no, not being toxic but just passing by enough to be seen as cis to survive) and I end up just over-thinking everything I do. I still live in the south and being Latino in our political climate, I try to do everything to minimize danger but we all know that just our skin color is enough to make someone hate us.

I have friends who try to support me by being very inclusive about transness but sometimes it feels like they see my identity before they see me. It's why I kind of give up on being involved in things because sometimes even queer, trans, or progressive white people just don't know how to interact with me.

I don't feel this way all the time, but I tend to be toxically positive. I know things will get better and I want to help with that too. But I just wanted to post in case maybe y'all can resonate. Thank you!

This is mega random but I started my voter registration canvassing job today and this job is not a joke 😭😭😭 I’ve worked at Amazon and Walmart doing night shifts but I work from 10 am to 6 pm from Tuesday to Saturday. I didn’t do so well today and I’m worried I might not improve 🫩💬

All the other people in this job at my company are cis men and I have trouble being direct and assertive also I’m 5’1 LOL I’m just feeling insecure 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️

It’s my first job straight out of college so I’ve got a lot to learn…I know that they expect me to hit a quota so that makes me nervous too but I like talking to people, it’s just surprisingly really hard to convince people to register to vote 😅😅😅

Hello, I am post-top surgery and I have been on hormones for 3.5 years now. I still don't pass...I can barely grow facial hair and I like looking more androgynous. I want to keep longish hair but the only time I ever pass 100% is when my hair is very short. I just don't really know what to do...I do everything to try and pass and it's not enough.

I'm on a dose of .3 mL of testosterone. Should I ask for a higher dose? Maybe cut my hair into a more latino masculine way? I just really want to look like a "pretty" Latino guy but it feels like I either have to go full throttle in trying to pass as a man or just accept that I'll be androgynous...

Side note: My voice is clocky. Maybe having an undeniable deep voice would help?

Hey y'all this is a bit random but I'm a first-generation Mexican American trans guy. Spanish is actually my first language but I've lost a lot of it due to not being close to my family for a while and not practicing it.

Do you guys have any advice on how to practice it? Listening to podcasts has helped me a bit but the best way for me to learn has always been doing it in-person, I'm just not very familiar with ways to do it...

Hello y'all, I wanted to ask!

I just graduated college and where I live there is barely any trans men of color, but I wonder if it's just a visibility thing. In the area, a lot of trans-related events are populated by white trans fems. There is a lot more happening in a neighboring city but I live in the capital of my state.

I'm going to be busy as I start a full-time job soon, but I really want to create some community IRL...not sure how, but it's a bit of a passion project.

Plus, I am curious about y'alls experiences with IRL spaces...

Thanks!

I have been on hormones for four years and I got top surgery two years ago. I’ve known I was trans since 14, now I’m 23 and I just graduated college. The idea of getting a hysterectomy has always been in the back of my mind, but now I really feel ready for a next step.

For me, hormones stopping my period was a dream come true. I absolutely hated having one and I had the worst cramps that would only be alleviated by scolding hot water baths. Periods make me so dysphoric, that when I first heard of a hysterectomy, I was already on board.

But I’m older now and having a family is something that I do want, not anytime soon but I’ve always known that I never wanted to carry. I’ve always wanted to adopt. To me, the idea of being pregnant makes me completely dysphoric and nauseous.

The only reason I’m not doing research on getting it done and fully committing to this is because I’m thinking about my family and I worry about changing my mind. But all my life, I’ve remained firm in never wanting to carry. At the same time, I want to make my family happy with the idea of having a kid because we haven’t had a baby in the family for almost two decades.

I worry I might change my mind when I’m older and sometimes I get caught up in the idea of having a baby that carries traits of mine…but it’s more like a passing thought than it has ever been an actual desire. Plus…I’ve always been more committed to the idea of adopting and the whole idea of “carrying the bloodline” is kind of a goofy concept to me because at the end of the day blood doesn’t matter. I just am on the fence but when I boil it down, my fear of ever getting pregnant or having my period ever again outweighs any desire I have of carrying by 2000x…

I graduate this week. I got kicked out by my family and cut off randomly a few days later right at the end of my first year of college. I've had to beg financial aid to give me time to pay hundreds of dollars within short notice. I've gone hungry. My immune system is so weak from the constant stress that I'm actually sick as I write this, making it almost an entire month that I've been in total sick for just this semester. I've slept not knowing if I'd wake up with a roof over my head...

To me, graduating has been just another moment of survival and trying to find a place to live which thankfully I have. But I don't really care about celebrating. I have ADHD so maybe it's a dopamine thing but the whole thing just reminds me of a life that cis people have that I don't. Families around them, the chance to rest, but I just feel thrown away by the world. If I went, it would be for the people around me, but I don't really care. Plus I might not even be able to go because I have one tomorrow kind of early but I'm sick so who knows if I'll be healthy by then.

My family and I are on speaking terms now, so I do feel like I should at least celebrate the big one that they do for all the students (instead of the smaller department ones that are starting for me tomorrow) but I don't care...I really don't I just feel indifferent.