u/lane03

Hello y'all, I wanted to ask!

I just graduated college and where I live there is barely any trans men of color, but I wonder if it's just a visibility thing. In the area, a lot of trans-related events are populated by white trans fems. There is a lot more happening in a neighboring city but I live in the capital of my state.

I'm going to be busy as I start a full-time job soon, but I really want to create some community IRL...not sure how, but it's a bit of a passion project.

Plus, I am curious about y'alls experiences with IRL spaces...

Thanks!

I have been on hormones for four years and I got top surgery two years ago. I’ve known I was trans since 14, now I’m 23 and I just graduated college. The idea of getting a hysterectomy has always been in the back of my mind, but now I really feel ready for a next step.

For me, hormones stopping my period was a dream come true. I absolutely hated having one and I had the worst cramps that would only be alleviated by scolding hot water baths. Periods make me so dysphoric, that when I first heard of a hysterectomy, I was already on board.

But I’m older now and having a family is something that I do want, not anytime soon but I’ve always known that I never wanted to carry. I’ve always wanted to adopt. To me, the idea of being pregnant makes me completely dysphoric and nauseous.

The only reason I’m not doing research on getting it done and fully committing to this is because I’m thinking about my family and I worry about changing my mind. But all my life, I’ve remained firm in never wanting to carry. At the same time, I want to make my family happy with the idea of having a kid because we haven’t had a baby in the family for almost two decades.

I worry I might change my mind when I’m older and sometimes I get caught up in the idea of having a baby that carries traits of mine…but it’s more like a passing thought than it has ever been an actual desire. Plus…I’ve always been more committed to the idea of adopting and the whole idea of “carrying the bloodline” is kind of a goofy concept to me because at the end of the day blood doesn’t matter. I just am on the fence but when I boil it down, my fear of ever getting pregnant or having my period ever again outweighs any desire I have of carrying by 2000x…

I graduate this week. I got kicked out by my family and cut off randomly a few days later right at the end of my first year of college. I've had to beg financial aid to give me time to pay hundreds of dollars within short notice. I've gone hungry. My immune system is so weak from the constant stress that I'm actually sick as I write this, making it almost an entire month that I've been in total sick for just this semester. I've slept not knowing if I'd wake up with a roof over my head...

To me, graduating has been just another moment of survival and trying to find a place to live which thankfully I have. But I don't really care about celebrating. I have ADHD so maybe it's a dopamine thing but the whole thing just reminds me of a life that cis people have that I don't. Families around them, the chance to rest, but I just feel thrown away by the world. If I went, it would be for the people around me, but I don't really care. Plus I might not even be able to go because I have one tomorrow kind of early but I'm sick so who knows if I'll be healthy by then.

My family and I are on speaking terms now, so I do feel like I should at least celebrate the big one that they do for all the students (instead of the smaller department ones that are starting for me tomorrow) but I don't care...I really don't I just feel indifferent.