Am I 19M insecure about my gf 18F past, or are these lies actually a big deal?
My girlfriend keeps “updating” her past every month and I don’t know if I’m insecure or just losing my mind.
I’m 19M and my girlfriend is 18F. She’s genuinely caring, loving, affectionate, and honestly an amazing partner in day-to-day life. But there’s one thing slowly destroying me: the constant lying and hidden details about her past.
When we first started dating, I asked her a simple question: “How many exes have you had?”
She confidently said 1.
Two months later, I found out it was actually 3.
Then there was this guy she used to describe as a “creep” who kept bothering her and texting her. Turns out… he wasn’t some random creep. He was actually her second boyfriend. He’s 6 years older than her and still lives in her building. She dated him when she was around 16–17.
What hurt even more is that WE used to sit and talk about how weird big age gaps are, especially at that age. We used to agree on it together. Meanwhile she already knew she had dated someone like that and still hid it from me.
Then she told me she had no contact with any ex after breakups.
Later I found out she was still talking to her third ex for 7 months and only stopped talking to him around a month before we started talking. Again, something I had to discover later instead of hearing from her directly.
And honestly, this has become a pattern now.
Every month it’s like a new DLC update drops
another guy I never heard about , another talking stage ,another guy messaging her, another ex appearing after she makes a new account on any platform , another hidden detail from the past
And every single time, my trust resets back to zero. And she always forgets the details about whatever happened , sometimes i do get insecure because if her past but i can handle that but with the all the lies and misinformation I for some reasons cant now.
The thing is… I genuinely DON’T care that she has a past. I told her this from the very beginning. I don’t expect her to have no past just because I don’t really have one myself. I only wanted honesty.
That’s the part killing me.
The lying became so casual and natural that now I don’t even know what’s true anymore. Whenever I finally feel secure, another detail comes out and I feel stupid all over again.
I love her a lot, but I’m mentally exhausted constantly rebuilding trust from scratch.
Am I being insecure and overthinking this? Or are repeated lies about the past actually a serious red flag?