u/ImFeelingStuck2

I'm 21, and over the course of my life I've had two friends, neither of which are really my friends any more. I'm so lonely and I can't get over it, but when I try to make new friends I don't do a good job. I've got problems with hope and motivation and so it's difficult for me to put myself out there, and when I do it doesn't go anywhere. I also have really bad social anxiety so that makes it harder for me to do anything with other people.

My plan was to make friends in college, but that hasn't gone well at all. I'm disabled and so I've been having a hard time keeping up with my work. After all the work I've done to get good grades I haven't been able to participate in any groups or out of school activities. The few people I've also tried to talk to didn't work out: I literally got so nervous that I froze up and couldn't talk at all. I've lost hope that I'll be able to make friends, but I don't see any reason to do anything with my life without friends, I don't care about anything else anymore.

It also sucks because the two friends I've had I lost because of my depression. When I'm in a bad mood I don't like to hang out with folks because I'm afraid I'll bring the mood down. One time one of my friends asked me to hang out but I told them I didn't think it would be a good idea because I wasn't feeling too good but she insisted. I tried my best to be good company and I didn't talk about anything sad, but afterwards she was complaining about how I didn't have energy and about how it made her upset.

I'm also having health problems that stem from how hard I'm working in college (kind of a long story), so I'm trying to leave college. But I keep hearing about how hard it is to make friends after school. People keep telling me that if I want to make friends then I should stay in school. This makes me feel so hopeless because if making friends out of school is so hard, I know it's going to be impossible for someone like me.

How can I make friends when I'm mentally ill, disabled, and have no friends?