Useless
24 years old, about to be 25. Have never had friends, much less relationships, despite knowing how much I want either of those for the past ten years. Haven't learnt anything useful, despite having like 5 constant interests that I know I could be good at if I could just sit down and study and practice consistently, instead I just keep having ideas and just write them down and I write them down again because I forgot where I wrote them and I can't bring myself to organize neither my notes nor my house.
I've never had a job or done anything that brought money home despite being completely aware that my mom needs help and that my only way out of this is getting enough money to see someone and convince them to give meds a try because it's the one single thing I have not tried and that everything I've gathered points to this stupid condition being the cause of it all.
I keep getting hyperfixated on things that are not useful at all and I can't bring myself to shift focus until it's too late and I've dissapointed someone else or myself. My youth is almost gone despite my ideal version of myself for the past ten years being that of bubbly, colorful cute young adult full of energy taking advantage of these years to try and fail and make mistakes and learn from them and make bonds with people. But I can't even try anything, much less have enough energy left to learn, and even if I got the perfect med right now I would basically have to speedrun the process of learning everything I haven't, getting hired with an empty CV in my mid 20's, and only after that might I have time to think about meeting people at the age when everyone already has social circles and is too busy to make space for one more.
Oh but I'm about to get a degree... which I know nothing about and I'm learning nothing useful in my internship.
I'll be fine I'm never giving up just feeling down and checking if this subreddit finally lets me submit something...
Plot twist it didn't let me... all the text above I tried posting on the main ADHD subreddit. Had tried posting multiple rants for weeks. Some may have had more insults so I get those. But this one I did while I was more sad than angry and I tried not to break any rule but still gets filtered in a second like seriously what's wrong with me what am I not reading right I'm sorry I wanna fix it I wanted to post there sorry if I can't here either just wanna get anything out of my system and not get smacked back into keeping it to myself please I'm sorry