Is it weird na despite me passing my defense and finally about to graduate, that i still haven't grasp my mind about it?
Since i was in my 2nd year, i always have suicidal thoughts na hindi na gumaling, and it carried through through my 3rd and 4th year. I always have thoughts na 'once you didn't pass, I'll just kill myself' in every high stakes assessments, in my research defense and until my thesis defense. I have so many mental breakdowns that i lost count, and i have so much self-doubt, which might be the reason why i still haven't grasp that I'm about to walk on stage in QPav... of course, I'm very happy... but my mind is just that... unease about it... I'm just thankful that i wasn't given up on during those suicidal tendencies that i tend to have... which is very strong btw... why i didn't have a psychologist or anything like that? My mom doesn't believe in it even though my college guidance counsellor told her themselves that i might need it...
Anyway... to my fellow graduating students, hope we all have a nice life ahead of UST! Congratulations po!💕