u/ImNotKry

I am passionately working on a manga series for nearly 10 years, and “my gut feeling” tells me, that orthodoxy is saying this is wrong. I feel like I am going against orthodoxy.

I do not draw anything overtly and unnecessarily violent or sexual, and I’m trying to convey Christian values, but the story is not explicitly Christian.

See, I just worry because I see many people who consume manga are not orthodox and many have a slight obsession with it which would be from orthodox viewpoint “bad for the soul.”

Honestly this troubles me so much. This is my life’s work, and it would crush my heart is my religion forbid it…

I am passionately working on a manga series for nearly 10 years, and “my gut feeling” tells me, that orthodoxy is saying this is wrong. I feel like I am going against orthodoxy.

I do not draw anything overtly and unnecessarily violent or sexual, and I’m trying to convey Christian values, but the story is not explicitly Christian.

See, I just worry because I see many people who consume manga are not orthodox and many have a slight obsession with it which would be from orthodox viewpoint “bad for the soul.”

To give credit where it is due, my priests were all very encouraging of me becoming a mangaka. It’s just the laity people who kinda implied that I have to become an icon painter in order to use my skills to gods will… I didn’t like that. Maybe one day I will, but I want to do more than just that.

You know I was wondering, because mangas as not explicitly Christian. They also have their own style of characters sometimes looking “demon-like” and having superpowers. I’m just worrying that this might be against the faith and I’d be afraid what certain saints would say about manga if they were to see it…

Honestly this troubles me so much. This is my life’s work, and it would crush my heart is my religion forbid it…

How can I feel confident without feeling like a hypocrite? In medicine, you cannot know everything, yet have to act confidently in front of patients.

I’m a nurser, and sometimes I feel a lack of confidence in my knowledge and skill. If someone were to drill me with questions about medications for example, I couldn’t answer many of them; nonetheless, I’m the one who is giving them to the patients. I often overplay my uncertainty with certainty, because you have to be certain in front of patients.

When I think of God and Christ, I suddenly feel like I am a two faced liar. I am not truthful about my lack of confidence / uncertainty. I’m faking it, I’m acting confident against my uncertainty. My job requires it, I need to make decisions quick and act confidently. Yet, I still feel like I am doing something wrong. I’m very aware of not being prideful, yet nonetheless I feel judged for trying to be confident, as if I were a hypocrite. How can I on one hand project confidence but be doubtful on the inside, and on the other hand turn to god and seek humility and forgiveness. It feels like I ask of one direction, but then turn around and go the other way.

As a nurser in a leading position in the hospital, it is required of me to be decisive, take choices quickly and often to enforce decisions confidently. If I don’t do that, people simply will walk over me and there would be chaos without proper leadership.

I have to deal with unpleasant patients and difficult situations.

This decisiveness requires me to stop questioning myself (in the moment I take the choice), and I have a worry at the back of my head: is that Christian of me? I do not do these things for my own ego. It is required of me to take lead and take actions. And I love taking leadership position, not because of ego, but because I like to bring clarity and good leadership.

The image of Christianity in my head, it requires constant self reflection and meekness, and it holds me back so often from confidently doing my job. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong when I’m confident, when I stand my ground and when I’m dominating others in arguments.

Also, I try to shut my mouth and listen more than I speak. However, I tend to be an extroverted person who makes jokes (often at his own expense), use irony and often tend to dominate/lead group dynamics which is not intentional, this just happens. I try to be myself and be fair to others, but this is just the way I am. I feel bad for it, because in the back of my head I have this stupid idea, that it doesn’t fit the image of someone who is truly a good Christian. Because when you are confident, you are not doubting and questioning yourself. Saint Paisios also says, there is no cute for personality. Idk…

Please help me clear out this uncertainty. It is very unrealistic that Christianity requires me to just give up and say “who am I to enforce this hospital law” or simply turn over and let people walk over me. Can somebody answer me this in detail, not just: it’s okay. Thank you very much!