Tell me why...
"ain't nothin but a heartache"
Yeah yeah yeah... But seriously. Why the hell am I still doing this shii? I literally have a friend who saw you and sent me a pic. Like... The fuq?!? And the worst part is that I thought I could be ok with seeing it, but I wasn't... It made me wanna cry and scream and punch something. Somehow, after all the work I've done to mask everything... Somehow I'm still affected... And it's fucking pissing me off. Like, who fucking cares that I love you? You definitely don't. You have seen the pain I'm in and yet you ignore me... It hurts. And yeah. Maybe I'm delusional about you. Maybe I see things that aren't there. Maybe I feel that you are giving me hints when all you're trying to do is survive my crazy ass falling in love and maybe this shit is all my fucking fault... I don't know... There's no but. There is no other thing it could be. Im crazy and delusional and broken and in need of a hug or love from someone I feel safe with but every day I find that there are less and less people that I'm actually safe with and somehow you remain constant as the one I feel I can trust despite everything... And now I'm rambling to strangers on Reddit because I feel like I'm going to explode. I feel that every time I see you is a ticking time bomb and I have to run away before someone gets hurt because last time I stayed too long and things got messy. Im sorry. Im sorry to all the readers. You most likely aren't my person. My person... He was somehow the nicest person I knew. He accepted me and helped find a way to be myself despite everything. He believed me in a time where that belief was the only thing keeping me from jumping off a bride. He showed me how to be happy when the world was against me and I am the one who destroyed that. I didn't want to destroy it. It's like I have an uncontrollable compulsion to screw up every good thing in my life. And this time... This time you were in the crossfire of me and the inevitability to the demise of my happiness.