I feel alone and it’s exhausting
I ( F24 ) broke up with my boyfriend (M23) exactly a year ago.
We both were part of this friend’s group that I used to hang out with almost everyday as we were from the same city and had the same interests.
I loved being with them, they were my best friends and they were like brothers to me. On the contrary, my ex boyfriend wasn’t so good with me. He was emotionally unavailable, always embarrassed by me, very insicure and he also cheated on me.
I broke up with him after 5 years of relationship.
At first, my friends were very supportive. They would hangout with me and him, but then he started to become rather creepy. He would yell and get angry anytime he saw me, sometimes he would cry for hours and I would feel deeply uncomfortable; so I stopped going out with them.
Then, my friends who supported me for all of those years, started to drift apart from me.
They started to hang out with my ex boyfriend only, making plans in another group chat where I wasn’t included, started playing together in new Discord servers I wasn’t part of. I talked to them, confronted them, told them I was feeling isolated and alone and I wanted to be part of their lived like I’ve been for all of those years. They ignored me, told me they knew my ex for much longer than me and that I wasn’t really alone like I was telling them.
So we stopped talking altogether.
It’s been one year since that happened, heard from them 1-2 times but not much. they still hangout without me.
Me, on the contrary, I’ve tried making new friends but I’m never capable of feeling like I’m part of a group, it seems to me like I haven’t found my people everywhere I look.
I have lots of issues trusting people again, and I feel like I have lost all of this useless time.
I have also developed a Fear of missing out, always feel like I’m so easily replaceable
Some days I return home exhausted, going out all day with people I’m not even sure they like me, I lay in bed and I just feel so alone all the time, even if some might try to reassure me.
Is this a normal experience to have? Has someone else been in this situation? Can someone give me any piece of advice at all?