Parent loss as a child/teen
has anybody else here lost their parent(s) whilst they was under the age of 18?:(( i was 11 years old when my mum passed away of terminal cancer.
i constantly feel robbed of a normal childhood becuase my mum first became sick when i was 7ish?? years old..she got better within a year but she was never normal again, then 2 years later her cancer came back. i have so much trauma of hospital trips and random ambulances coming to my house in the middle of the night and me waking up from the sound of unfamiliar voices.
It also feels like this whole thing possibly could’ve been avoided.. my mum went to her doctor complaining about a lump in her breast and he told her she was fine? (he also did this to one of my friends mum who also ended up having breast cancer) so not only do i have anger towards the world but also to a doctor who has most likely failed multiple people and families.
The hardest part about this whole thing is that i never see things improving, im constantly stuck in the same mindset of sudden realisation she’s gone and never coming back but also the thought that i can’t actually process it’s been 6 years. i’m 17 now and i fear it’s only gotten worse.
In the first few weeks and months following after he death i rarely cried. i forced myself to be somebody i wasn’t also, i was pretty harsh towards people and nobody understood why. That’s another thing, nobody gets why i am the way i am. I could explain it to myself in my head but the words coming out of my mouth make me feel like im attention seeking.
In dec of last year it got bad i stopped going to school, i go through constant waves of emotions, im never at all balanced and happy.
even here practically posting this anonymously i feel embarrassed but here goes