Weird things when I feel detached
I often feel something I’m not sure I should disassociating, more as if my mind and body become detached from one another. They operate together but they feel as 2 parts, not one. I have chronic migraines which is when I most feel this which unfortunately happens to be almost 4 times per week if not more.
I had another one of these moments tonight where I just felt as if a camera was operating my vision, like when you’re watching a 1st person TV segment. I’ll look down and feel as if my body isn’t truly mine just another portion that the camera is panning down to.
It feels weird, especially during my migraines because it tends to make me struggle with sensory processing as all I can feel is the pain in my head. During my segment tonight it felt as if my brain was operating on static and my vision was pixelated, once again as if someone was panning a blurry camera
During these I also tend to only focus on one thing at a time, sometimes it’ll be a blanket, my fingerprint or just the pattern on my ceiling. It makes me notice the small details I wouldn’t normally like how every portion of the wall looks, the way wood grain looks or just the font of books on my shelves.
But it all feels like a TV show, just operating a body as if this is what the audience wants to see. In my head it feels as if this is the narration, waiting for the audience response or feedback. Which I also often think about.
I dunno, it’s just weird but I eventually go back to operating as a whole and not as individual parts. I know it’s over when I look in a mirror and see myself and not just the body I’m operating