u/Imaginary-Height-789

Thank you for all the feedback from my last post. After reading the comments it seems very obvious that my partner needs to see a doctor about this and it is not something we are able to deal with ourselves (honestly with 8/10 pain it should've been obvious so sorry guys).

So, that leaves me with a very important question. How do you get diagnosed with this? What do you tell the doctor? I live in the UK so I don't really know how healthcare works specifically in the USA (please don't give me too much shit for being an edater I'm meeting him in December guys im so so so excited). From what I've heard though it is notoriously difficult for women in the USA to get a diagnosis for any issues relating to their reproductive system. I don't want us to go through months of going from doctor to doctor trying to convince MEDIAL PROFESSIONALS to do their job, and since I don't live in the same country there's not much I can do to advocate for him in person. What can he do to maximise the chances of getting a diagnosis in the first visit? And for those of you who unfortunately had to fight just to get one, do you have any advice on how to scream (JOKINGGGG) at your doctor in a way which gets them to get you what you need?

Thanks for the help, and if you need any extra information about his condition then you can check the other post on my account!

Guys just a quick edit, I am in the one in the UK not him. He lives in the USA (north east iowa) and I'm saying that I don't know much about US healthcare nor can give physical help to him

Hi reddit, I'm here on the behalf of my partner.

Just to give some backround information, they hadn't ever touched himself or used a tampon before they met me - my suspicion had started after they had made an attempt to>!finger themselves!<which had resulted in a lot of pain (7/10 iirc and a residual pain at 3/10). I have gotten him to touch himself while in the shower a couple times and the pain had never been below a 3/10. Additionally I made him do the Q-tip test today and I am 100% confident that he has vestibulodynia (the pain got at bad as 8/10). He may also have vaginismus however due to the pain he was unable to properly insert anything far enough to test for the "hitting a wall" which is associated with it - although he pushed himself very hard and I'm really proud <3. There could be vaginismus as well, but I'm a lot less confident in that than I am in vesibulodynia.

He has had some UTIs in the past which may have caused it but since he had never touched himself before that I couldn't say for sure.

Anyways, now I've actually established what's causing him this pain I'm trying to research anything and everything I can do to help him - after all, I don't want him to be in pain and it obviously makes quite a lot of sexual experiences impossible. We are both 16 at the moment so getting a doctor involved is very difficult, expensive, and well, I don't think anyone likes showcasing their folds to a stranger and having them poke around😭😭. Obviously if need be then I will try and see if I can arrange that but for the time being it would be much more convenient and easy for us to look into things which dont require a doctor.

I haven't yet done much research but from what I've seen lidocaine gel is used in a variety of ways -
before sexual activity (makes sense)
overnight soaked into a cotten ball (😬)
and the most promising thing i've seen by far for a "cure" to vestibulodynia is this

https://www.ouh.nhs.uk/media/uwgldb0f/116105lidocaine.pdf (page 6)

for anyone who doesn't want to click the link or read, it basically describes a method which you can use to desensetise the hyperactive nerves causing the pain. By applying lidocaine and then touching, you retrain the nerve pathway to recognise touch as a non-painful experience. So far it is the only long term solution i've seen that is easy to do at home (again, we are 16, so something like a vestibulectomy isn't really happening). The only issue is that it requires months of near daily touching, which to put it lightly, isn't something he would enjoy very much.

I just want the best for us and our rls (both romantically and sexually) and it is really really important to me that he is able to enjoy our sexual encounters as much as I do (take that O gap!!!!) and I want him to be happy, so any and all information, advice, tips, or whatever, is genuinely so appreciated. Thanks!