u/Imaginary-World-7896

he left me on 1st march, randomass discard, it was so horrendous, he was fucking cruel to me. we had a wonderful relationship i was so secure and sure of it and of us he assured me that it would be us all along. i am trying so fucking hard to heal and to get better you name it therapy, working out, creating art, baking, interning (im a student, f19 and on summer break rn), i really need to talk im breaking down writing this. this shit crushes your spirit man. if you do not mind listening for a bit i would really appreciate it. you may gimme a dm

he discarded me out of the blue on 1st march, we were together for an year. he said shit to me it ended really badly, even though the relationship was absolutely lovely. i can never comprehend the way he left me though. it is 3 am rn, i was studying pretty much but i just miss his touch so much, us making out, cuddling, holding hands, oral sex, silly stuff all of it i miss it, i am beyond disgusted with how he spoke to me during the breakup e but how do i let go of this physical yearning? for context both me and my ex are 19.

last year in Jan I was at the lowest point of my life, I was terribly depressed and suicidal and needless to say was extremely socially isolated. i used to go to the gym quite regularly, there was a guy there and we started off as friendly acquaintances but he sorta forced a relationship on me within a week. I had no prior romantic experience whatsoever and it was a very unstable time for me, id no self esteem, was vulnerable and was grateful that somebody is even willing to talk to me. He used to make a lot of sexual jokes and sexual innuendo which I told him I hated. We engaged in making our and stuff like intimate touching and shit he has seen my bare chest if I must add. Idk i felt uncomfortable towards it all and i just felt like he'd softly keep on suggesting it always and I felt like I owed it or it was meant tobe that way or whatever.I almost had to establish 'talking times' and times where we got physical (we did nothing sexual). I hated myself for it and it was the first time I got romantic and physical w somebody, i hadn't even held hands prior to this. The relationship ended after 10 days, I dumped him cuz I was uncomfortable and he was a horrendous dude, used to get mad at everything, had misogynist opinions, sent me andrew tate reels, slut shamed me for talking to a male classmate and shit. um so that's pretty much it also found out later that he had multiple flings w multiple women and prolly even when he was 'with me'. I found my diary entries from this time, a lot of visual depiction and shame on being touched and regret so idk.