Why does people see us as an odd one?
I'm an introvert, very introverted. Through times I've learned that I enjoy my own company more than seeking for friendships or having to be surrounded by someone. I've tried to go out of my way and meet people as family pressured me to and I felt like that was the norm of doing so, though people drained my energy and I just want to be home and relax.
I feel like they views me as an "incel" but really I'm not even close to it. I'm easy to talk to and can hold conversations with strangers in public just fine, I just hate doing so. I guess I'm good at masking since I don't see myself as an ambivert either. Strangers want to be my friends, I hold conversations like I'm close with everyone but deep down... I just want to be alone and be left alone.
I don't have friends and I hope it continues that way. Why? I hate having to reply to calls or texts, hate having to go out and hangout. Hate being around my "friends" but I don't look depressed or anxious or anything if that's how you imagine me when I'm out. I smile, laugh, engage with everyone and my surroundings and be on the positive mindset out pf politeness.
My family has been telling me to make friends but I've never expressed that I'm lonely since I never felt that way. I feel more overwhelmed, stressed and my life being disturbed when I have friends so I just don't. I like my comfort zone, it's peaceful in my own home alone. There's so much to do, to learn, alone. I hate going to sleep because I feel like I feel lose the times to spend alone exploring knowledges, games, entertainments, inner peace, relaxing or anything. But I do force myself to go to sleep properly so I have energy to do things on the next day without feeling tired or fatigue.
Weird to say but I've enjoyed my life alone and hate how society normalise being alone is odd. Wish I understood it sooner when I was younger that this is okay but I'm glad I've learned along the way to find myself here and is protecting that peace for many years.
What I couldn't wrap my head around is how much my family sees me as a loser. Appearance wise, I'm an okayish looking person. It might sounds ridiculous but I get complimented alot whenever I'm out by both men and women. People doesn't just casually look at me, I can understand the stares and the looks are out of awe because of my appearance. Sadly, as an introvert... I wish they just don't look or stop coming to me to compliment me. I'm outside like everyone and I deserve that peace being in public just like everyone else.
I take care of myself a lot because I enjoy fashion and dressing up so in order for all of that to fit in my platd... I'm careful with what I consume, take care of my skin, workout to make sure that I sweat and go out everyday for fresh air since it helps me feel good. I like to think fresh air is good for my skin but the reality is that where I live, the air is very polluted and the goverment suggest us to wear masks. But it's all in my mindset, trigging myself that is good for me and I feel fresh doing so. I water the plants everyday and talk to them. It sounds weird but I like to imagine them talking to me and telling me how their days went as I'm watering them. I hope they're growing well and is at peace too.
My life is at a bliss when I'm alone. But I understand I can't avoid other people either, I'm not trying to and I would respectfully talk with anyone if they happen to approach me. I just don't appreciate them asking for my socials because I don't use them unless it's something like Reddit. I don't appreciate adding anyone because I would only just hurt people because I don't call or text them. I don't appreciate my family forcing me to meet men or anyone in general because apparently my aloneness is weird to them. I do isolate myself but in a healthy way where I take care of myself, my house, my surroundings, my mental and physical health. I even go out alone from time to time for a change of scenary like the beach, cinemas, exploring gardens or the zoos, go to islands, etc.
I like to think I'm happy for who, what or where I am as a person. I hope it continues that way as long as possible. I never tell anyone how to live their life so I'm wondering why people find my life weird? Not like I struggle with friendships or relationship either, I just choose not to.
I just want to understand why they're pushing people in my life and forcing me to the outside world when I've been pretty clear about my boundaries and I've never expressed or show a sign of loneliness. If anything, I've only expressed the discomfort being out with someone. Please help me understand why my family finds me odd.